The Forgotten Commandment

Over the past few years, I have attended a lot of churches that use Mark 12:30-31/Matthew 22:37-40 as their motto.  In essence, it is “Love God and Love People”, or “Love God and Love Others” in some variation.  While I think that this is good and it captures Jesus’ two greatest commandments, there is a component that is often forgotten… “as yourself.”

I am writing this today not to trash these Church’s philosophies, but instead to highlight the fact that we live in a culture today that has a screwed up concept of self.  Whether it is the media telling little girls from a young age that they have to look a certain way or a society where boys are told that your worth is based on what you can provide or “win”, we as people are set up for failure since standards are more like black holes since they can never be satisfied.

It all starts with “self”.  If I do not love myself, then it is impossible to truly love others.  Instead of being content with who I am and being confident in who God created me to be, I will devour anyone in my life since no amount of validation or love will be adequate.  Instead of being able to give willing to others, I will expect a lot in return and get mad if I do not get it.  Instead of helping develop others at work, I will view every idea or hard working employee as a threat to my power and they must be eliminated.  Instead of dealing with disappointment in a healthy way, it will be devastating and the repercussions to others and myself will be out of proportion.

I learned to have concern for these people because they could not truly grasp who God created them to be.  Whether they blamed others for everything that went wrong in life, refused to take ownership of their lives, or felt inadequate and unable to do anything, it was sad to see because they were missing out on a lot of great things in life.

A great number of you out there are probably okay and love yourselves, but this is important to understand because hopefully it will give you a better understanding of those who don’t love themselves.  They feel out of control and their self-image is based on what others say.  “Others” is a fluid concept that changes with the audience... and it has to stop because it will be too exhausting to keep up.

There are others that might read this, and say, “okay, that’s me, but how do I fix it?”  Good thing you asked!  Know that the verses below are not a cure all by any means, but instead something to help you on your way… because ultimately, you are responsible for loving yourself.

Psalm 139:14- I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Remember that God has created you as a unique and amazing person.  You have gifts that others long for and desire, and you have qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.  If you do not know what those are, ask God to reveal those to you.  Others might come and try to steal your joy or malign your character, do not let others tell you otherwise… because you are precious to God and to others around you!  Fearfully and wonderfully made, and his works are wonderful, which means you are wonderful =)

Proverbs 27:6- Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

I can never say this enough… be careful about who you associate with.  If you associate with people who do not love themselves, they will be very deceptive/manipulative in nature… especially if it means getting what they want.  Be sure to limit your time with them and try to find ways to help them or build them up.  Ultimately, they have to fight this fight on their own, but a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

Recently I had a friend call me and talk with me about a concern that he had about me.  It meant a lot, it was hard to hear and sort out, but he was willing to chat with me about it so that I could eventually overcome the trial in my life.  That is what a good friend does, he does not just call out something, but instead helps you find a way to over come it.  He will also keep your feelings in mind and be as careful as possible.

These are just two verses to keep in mind, remember who you are in God and seek the company of wise counsel who will have your best interest in mind.  I say this as a person who struggled with loving himself before he was a Christian.  What I found was that the world had unobtainable standards and nothing seemed to work.  There was a time where I was hopeless because I could not add up.  Even as a Christian, I found that the standards of my pastors, friends, girlfriends, employers, etc.  were unobtainable.  Behind every single one of those demanding people was a soul that was not at peace in itself… God has reminded me of that and it changed my anger to concern. 

So what did I do?  I learned to push those out of the way and learn who God made me to be.  I also took the time to listen to loving friends and family who reminded me of my strengths and corrected me with care.  Until I did that, I felt like I was a fish being judged on my ability to climb a tree (Albert Einstein quote).  I do have my moments still, but at the same time I know who God created me to be and that gives me peace during my struggles.   And because of that, I can love God back to the best of my ability and love others well.