This week I had the pleasure of seeing two of my friends get
married. In the flurry of weddings,
visiting people, and trying to relax from working three jobs and doing grad
school, there were a few things that I noticed that spurred thoughts on a major
issue that I have been meaning to talk about.
The first revelation that I had was the significance of
dialogue. On Friday, I spent quite a bit
of the day with a guy who I had been acquainted with for years. We were running around picking up last minute things for the wedding. We have talked here and there, but nothing
for a prolonged period of time. During
the several hours together, we had a lot of time to chat and we covered a bunch
of topics. Over lunch, we discussed our
view point on certain religious topics.
He is a practicing Christian, but we had differing viewpoints on some
topics. Then it dawned on me…
Even though we differed on view points, we were willing to
listen to the others viewpoint. The
second thing I noticed was that we did not condemn the others viewpoint,
instead tried to find understanding.
The key was that we were willing to listen to the other one and not try
to win.
This is a pattern that I have noticed in my life. If I make a big deal out of my stance and I
am in everyone’s face, I have to expect push back. In a current events correlation, Brittney
Griner (WNBA Player) did not make a huge deal about her lifestyle, and
consequently not many people in the media did either. Yes, she got push back at points in her life,
but the media was not fawning over it.
In the same way, I never made a huge deal about my Christian
lifestyle. I watched peers throw it in
people’s face, and they had negative reactions.
But I generally had an audience with people who had opposing view points
because I am comfortable enough to be around people who are different than me. Yes, I have received death threats and got
mocked, even though I minded my own business, but generally I had an audience
with people willing to dialogue.
The truth is that after a huge blow out of an argument or an
obnoxious display, not many people willingly accept the other view point. That’s why I must have grace with others, and
know that there is a relationship and a person’s feelings worth keeping in
tact. Another idea to keep in mind is
that even if someone feels ostracized or wounded by someone like you in the
past, it is a perfect time to tend to that person and help reconcile.
Ultimately, it’s God’s (and Holy Spirit’s) job to convict
and condemn someone, and if he wants to work on them… let him. But before I think that, I must remind myself
that he might have to work on me on a topic too. It is a two way street!
The other revelation that I had was while playing corn hole
at the wedding, strangely enough. As we
were playing, a buddy of mine noticed that we were playing by a different set
of rules. Since I generally don’t play a
whole lot, I did not notice. He made a
comment about it, and I recognized it shortly after. We both decided that it was fine because we were
having fun and that it was not worth starting a conflict. Someone noticed that the board had a lot of
traction and the beanbags would stop rather quickly. I just laughed and said, “so that’s why I am
playing better!” rather than trying to complain about everything.
Isn’t life that way sometime? Sometimes the rules of the game are different
than what we are used to or the situation is different, but we have the ability
to either be tactful with the situation at hand or create issues. I am not saying cooperate with something that
is blatantly wrong or destructive, but there are certain things in life where
just enjoying the game is more important than criticizing every flaw in the
game.
So how does that relate to current events, you might
ask? In light of a lot of debates
cropping up over politics, religion, and ethics, there is a huge failure to
dialogue. Rather than trying to tactfully
understand what the other person thinks or feels, there is a judgment placed on
them as right or wrong. Whether it is
Republican vs. Democrat, LGBT vs. Heterosexual, Christian vs. Non-Christian,
both sides have blood on their hands somewhere and people generally nitpick.
The question is, are the fights that we are picking worth
fighting or are we warring over non-essentials?
A friend once said, “Is that the hill that I want to die on?” I hope that I can always ask myself that when I get
into a conflict of interest with someone.
“Is this disagreement worth ruining what could be a good friendship,
relationship, etc.?”
That being said, I can’t be overly sensitive to other
people’s differences, read into other people’s opinions too much, look for
fights, or get defensive. People are so
quick to call whatever it is “persecution”, “sexism”, “racism”, whatever, calm
down. This could be someone worth
dialoguing with and learning from, so I have to keep the relationship in
mind. Also, being hyper-sensitive makes
me look exceedingly immature.
So the second point I have is that I need to weigh every circumstance
and try to understand what the objections that I create will do. In the case of the game, I could just wait
for the game to be over and tactfully restore the order rather than abruptly
stopping the game and complaining about the rules. The former will be received much better than
the latter.
In conclusion, differences should be looked at as
opportunities to dialogue and build bridges.
If we continue to maintain an “us against them” mentality or act like
martyrs when we face opposition, growth can never occur. Just because one person did something, not everyone is wrong. On the same token, because someone else wronged me it does not mean that I have a free pass to stereotype. Instead, I have available to help anyone different than me because thats what Christ did. As I close today, just remember, it is God’s
job to work on individuals, including myself.
That’s why I must have humility with everyone and love them like Christ did.
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