The Forgotten Commandment

Over the past few years, I have attended a lot of churches that use Mark 12:30-31/Matthew 22:37-40 as their motto.  In essence, it is “Love God and Love People”, or “Love God and Love Others” in some variation.  While I think that this is good and it captures Jesus’ two greatest commandments, there is a component that is often forgotten… “as yourself.”

I am writing this today not to trash these Church’s philosophies, but instead to highlight the fact that we live in a culture today that has a screwed up concept of self.  Whether it is the media telling little girls from a young age that they have to look a certain way or a society where boys are told that your worth is based on what you can provide or “win”, we as people are set up for failure since standards are more like black holes since they can never be satisfied.

It all starts with “self”.  If I do not love myself, then it is impossible to truly love others.  Instead of being content with who I am and being confident in who God created me to be, I will devour anyone in my life since no amount of validation or love will be adequate.  Instead of being able to give willing to others, I will expect a lot in return and get mad if I do not get it.  Instead of helping develop others at work, I will view every idea or hard working employee as a threat to my power and they must be eliminated.  Instead of dealing with disappointment in a healthy way, it will be devastating and the repercussions to others and myself will be out of proportion.

I learned to have concern for these people because they could not truly grasp who God created them to be.  Whether they blamed others for everything that went wrong in life, refused to take ownership of their lives, or felt inadequate and unable to do anything, it was sad to see because they were missing out on a lot of great things in life.

A great number of you out there are probably okay and love yourselves, but this is important to understand because hopefully it will give you a better understanding of those who don’t love themselves.  They feel out of control and their self-image is based on what others say.  “Others” is a fluid concept that changes with the audience... and it has to stop because it will be too exhausting to keep up.

There are others that might read this, and say, “okay, that’s me, but how do I fix it?”  Good thing you asked!  Know that the verses below are not a cure all by any means, but instead something to help you on your way… because ultimately, you are responsible for loving yourself.

Psalm 139:14- I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Remember that God has created you as a unique and amazing person.  You have gifts that others long for and desire, and you have qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.  If you do not know what those are, ask God to reveal those to you.  Others might come and try to steal your joy or malign your character, do not let others tell you otherwise… because you are precious to God and to others around you!  Fearfully and wonderfully made, and his works are wonderful, which means you are wonderful =)

Proverbs 27:6- Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

I can never say this enough… be careful about who you associate with.  If you associate with people who do not love themselves, they will be very deceptive/manipulative in nature… especially if it means getting what they want.  Be sure to limit your time with them and try to find ways to help them or build them up.  Ultimately, they have to fight this fight on their own, but a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

Recently I had a friend call me and talk with me about a concern that he had about me.  It meant a lot, it was hard to hear and sort out, but he was willing to chat with me about it so that I could eventually overcome the trial in my life.  That is what a good friend does, he does not just call out something, but instead helps you find a way to over come it.  He will also keep your feelings in mind and be as careful as possible.

These are just two verses to keep in mind, remember who you are in God and seek the company of wise counsel who will have your best interest in mind.  I say this as a person who struggled with loving himself before he was a Christian.  What I found was that the world had unobtainable standards and nothing seemed to work.  There was a time where I was hopeless because I could not add up.  Even as a Christian, I found that the standards of my pastors, friends, girlfriends, employers, etc.  were unobtainable.  Behind every single one of those demanding people was a soul that was not at peace in itself… God has reminded me of that and it changed my anger to concern. 

So what did I do?  I learned to push those out of the way and learn who God made me to be.  I also took the time to listen to loving friends and family who reminded me of my strengths and corrected me with care.  Until I did that, I felt like I was a fish being judged on my ability to climb a tree (Albert Einstein quote).  I do have my moments still, but at the same time I know who God created me to be and that gives me peace during my struggles.   And because of that, I can love God back to the best of my ability and love others well.

Being Patient

I am learning that the one thing that you never ask God for is patience, because he seems to willingly provide/allow situations that test your patience when you ask for it!  All in all, patience is a good thing, but to become patient (or long-suffering as the word is translated) usually you have to go through trials and gain life experience to get there.  That is not high on anyone’s list!

So you might be asking, if it is such a pain to obtain, why seek it?  It appears that whenever you are patient, it has some sort of a negative connotation and it is magnetic for trouble.  Whether it is patience with a hostile family member, patience in waiting for a job, patience with waiting on God, it seems that the expense is always on us.  But the truth is, there are a lot more positive outcomes than we would realize…

I am going to summarize/quote some scriptures that I found on patience and illustrate the positives in the storms that you might be facing…

Romans 2:6-7 God gives eternal life to those who endure for his glory.  When you think that everything that you are going through is in vain, think again!  God sees that and he rewards it.  A little bit of trouble now is worth an eternity in heaven.  But this is a sober reminder that saying the sinner’s prayer does not guarantee an easy life, sometimes it does just the opposite.  Instead, it gives you meaning and purpose to the adversity that you face.

Psalm 40:1-   “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.”  I understand God better when I am patient because I take the time to listen for him.  I find myself hurrying through life sometimes, unable to take my foot off the gas and unable to stop and listen to what is going on around me.  Sometimes hearing God takes time and effort, but it is worth it!  That’s why we must take the time to do it!

Psalm 37:7-9- We learn self control and to be at peace with our circumstances when we are patient.  When I am still in the presence of the Lord and wait for him to act, I realize that I can not control others and I can not be responsible for their actions... but I learn to control how I react and I give myself time to react. I acknowledge that God can influence them and I need to trust in his will, even when it looks ugly. 

This shifts our focus to God rather than our adversaries.  Easier said than done, I know (I struggle with this), but only through enduring the trial to the end will we be able to see the conclusion that God brings.  On another note, while learning self control I learn to not look like a 3 year old throwing a fit when I don’t get my way because I am willing to wait rather than need to be gratified immediately. 

1 Corinthians 13:4- Love is patient.  It is the first quality that Paul uses to describe agape (True Love).  When you are willing to be patient and loving, a number of things happen.  When you love yourself and you are patient with yourself, you have grace for yourself when you take a do not meet your own expectations.  You also do not let the standards and time constraints that others force on you bother you.

When you are patient when starting a relationship, you protect your heart by not rushing into a relationship prematurely and causing more harm than good.  You get to know the person without giving it to the wrong person, and sometimes it is the right person, just the wrong time.  Either way, patience frequently leads to fewer scars on your heart. 

When you are patient in an argument with someone, you take the time to understand them rather than jump to conclusions and say things that hurt them.  This happens in any relationship, that is why we must be quick to listen and slow to speak.

I am sure I could do a post on each of these or list numerous other verses, but I won’t drone on!  I hope that you can see how important patience is in the Bible from a couple of different vantage points.  Yes, it can be a pain in the butt at times, but in the end, it is worth it.  So remember, in any circumstance, be patient because as the old saying goes, haste makes waste!

Psalm 23 More than a Shepherd

The other day I was talking about how I was reading Psalm 23 and it was blowing me away.  As I read it, I felt a strange feeling of shame yet I felt secure.  Kind of like how when I screw up in front of my parents and instead of yelling, they just hug me and say that they love me.  It is very disarming and humbling to say the least.  So that is what I was feeling as I read this scripture.  Just knowing how God takes care of me and loves me, even when I feel unlovable or inadequate, is greatly humbling.

This stems from the idea that sheep are rather difficult, stubborn, and defenseless, and we as people can be equally difficult and stubborn.  But for all of the maintenance that God performs on me even when I don't deserve it, it is truly humbling to know that he cares about me.  But after mulling over this verse, I have come to remember that he is more than a shepherd...

I read an ancient commentary (circa 1920’s) in seminary on this verse, and it really opened my eyes to this verse.  Most of the time, we stick with the shepherd motif when reading this scriptures, which is good and totally possible, but there are other attributes that this commentary illuminates (that can live inside the shepherd analogy as well).

Shepherd-  This is probably one of the most common illustrations for God in scriptures.  Shepherds have a pretty rough job of taking care of their stubborn sheep, and sometimes their jobs are very dirty.  But he cares for us because he loves his sheep and he wants to take care of them.  I just have to get to know his voice and know when the impostors try to imitate him so that I will not be led astray by their voices.

Guide-  I have had the pleasure of going to Israel, and let me say that their “wilderness”, is a barren wasteland.  So knowing that the Lord is our guide that will lead me through the tumultuous wilderness to green pastures and still water is comforting.  It also lets me know that if I follow him and listen to him, that he will guide me properly.

Protector-  The most famous line in this verse, “yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil”, reminds me that God will protect me.  When I read it, I feel overwhelmed by his love for me knowing that I mean that much to him that he will protect me.  The pathways were tight and treacherous (and still are), and during that time, it was common for roads to have thieves frequenting them.  Knowing that God has his rod to rescue me from the treacherous path and a staff to defend me from any aggressor is comforting.

Host-  When I read that God prepares a table before me in front of my enemy tells me a few things.  First of all, if he is allowing my enemies to be in my company, that he has confidence in me that I will be able to endure or rise above what ever they bring against me.  Second, God is going to provide for me as a host. He won’t let my cup run dry, instead, it will overflow.  I need to remember that he cares for the birds and dresses the lilies, and that I am greater than that!  Third, it is the host’s job to protect his guests… thus he won’t let me be destroyed by anyone that enters his house (invited or uninvited).  Fourth and finally, he invites his guests for a reason, therefore I have to have faith in his ability to choose who is a guest at his table.  I might not like it, but maybe the host wants me to learn something by sitting across the table from someone I don’t particularly care for. 

Royalty-  Prophets and kings were anointed by oil.  The fact that God would anoint my head with oil reminds me that he sees me as royalty as well, and that he will bless me with his kingdom as a member of his kingdom.  This also serves as a reminder that as royalty, we have dominion over the evils in our life because we have the authority of the King.

Father-  In ancient Israelite culture, it was common for the father to build an addition onto his house for his son when he gets married.  This concept of keeping the family in the same house is reminiscent of dwelling in the house of the Lord forever (verse 6).  We are family, and he plans on keeping me in the family and he won’t cast me out or reject me.  I know I belong to someone, I belong to him.

What I love about verses like this is that it shows that God takes on different roles in different parts of our lives.  Some days we need to know that God is our protector, others, we need to know that he is our host, so on and so forth.  This also reminds me of the fact that he is dynamic and can speak to us in multiple ways.  That being said, we must be conscious of how he is speaking to us and can speak to us so that we can respond appropriately. So that’s what God was showing me, and I felt that it would be really awesome to share and show you that he is a little more than a shepherd!!

God is not a God of Chaos

I read this verse the other day, and it totally jumped out at me and smacked me in the face!!  I sometimes wonder why I do not pick up on this stuff quicker, because it would have saved me a ton of grief over the past few years!  I know that there are a lot of you out there who are probably wondering, “why is my life so crazy right now??”  I don’t think we will ever know, but here’s an idea.

James 3:16-18

16. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and all sorts of evil and vile practices. 

17. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure; then it is peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.

18. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

I find that there are two things here that cause chaos in our lives, it is either our own choices or other people’s influence.  When I think of my own choices, I immediately think of my time being a Chaplain Candidate.  There was a lot of confusion the entire time, and it appeared a lot of different ways.  Due to selfish ambition (wanting a job and trying to do it on my own power), I overlooked the fact that the process was chaotic and tried to plow through it.  I had good intentions, but ultimately I was trying to will my way into something that God did not want me in.  The way it came to an end was evidence of God’s hand ending the chaos (I can talk about it off record, but not on here), and I found that I have had peace once I understood that.

When I think about some of the other situations in my life, I can think about friendships and other situations that I had that were not healthy.  Whether it was jealousy or selfish ambition, I found that the stress that they brought into my life was disorienting.  It took my focus off of God, and instead I was trying to fix the problems rather than seek God.  Hurt people who hurt people do not realize what they do, they just do it because they have to.  Just like a bull that has no remorse for destroying the china shop, a self-centered person does not care who they hurt because it is stopping them from getting their object of desire.  Inevitably, they blame the person for getting in their way and blame them for making them destroy everything rather than examining themselves and being honest about the destruction they left behind.  This is why I must flee from jealousy and selfish ambition, because the results are never good and I do not want to harm people in my life.

In contrast, we see what wisdom provides. 

It is pure: think about what it feels like to have cold water on a hot day.  Nothing quenches your thirst more, and the wise person quenches your soul because they seek to give Godly counsel. 

It is peace loving:  the wise despise strife, but engage it to put the fire out.  They seek a life of harmony, and do what the must to protect it. 

It is gentle: By no means does the wise person want to harm those around them.

It is reasonable:  the wise person seeks understanding others and understanding situations rather than stereotyping or jumping to conclusions. 

It is full of mercy: Though the wise are careful with their hearts, they are quick to forgive others so that they are not burdened by un-forgiveness.

It is full of good fruits: the words and actions they produce are healthy and nourishing to those around them. 

It is unwavering:  They are stable and consistent in people’s lives.  Their yes is yes and their no is no, and they are dependable.

It is without hypocrisy:  Those who are wise seek God’s perspective and do not stray from it.  They are not double minded and do not live a life that they themselves would not condone.

When I look at the life of the wise person, it is much more appealing to me.  This is why I seek that life.  I do not always add up, but it is a process and I am doing my best.  In the past month, God has cleansed me of a few things that brought chaos to my life, it sort of felt like detoxing letting go of those things and it has been rough, but at the same time I am finding that it is creating discipline in me and giving me a fresh start.  Like salt in the wounds, it stings, but I know it is for a good reason.  I am not afraid of leaving behind some of those things that God took from me, but instead I am looking forward to what God will give me. 

It is much easier now that I can see the picture coming into focus, but I want to encourage you to ask for God’s perspective when confronted with disorder.  During the time it is hard to see the big picture, but keep seeking God for it!  Most of all, remember, our God is not a God of chaos.  Yes, you will see tough times, but God will not disorient you.  That is not his way.  So as you go forward, be encouraged and seek wisdom, because it is much better than the alternative!