Letting Go of Labels

These past few weeks at my new/old church have been really amazing. I find that the messages have been dead on and I feel as if they are tailor made for my life circumstances. In a two-day period, I had two people pray over me and both mentioned that a break through was bound to happen in my life. This past week the pastor spoke about how we need to let go of the labels that people give us and replace them with the labels that God has for us. The pastor was referencing how Jesus gave Simon the name Peter because he saw him as the rock of his church (Matthew 16:18). It took Peter years before he grew into the title, but he eventually did. I frequently feel like Peter because I have felt the same way, in that I have been given a title or label that I have not grown into. I won’t say them on here to avoid sounding arrogant, but if you talk to me about what others have shared with me, I will be willing to share them with you! Over the course of my life, I have acquired so many labels it is not funny. Most of them were lies, but when you hear them enough it is enough to haunt you. As a side note, this is why I am very careful about what I say when I am mad at people or giving correction, because I want them to know that I love them and that the correction is to see them succeed. Anyway, one of the labels that has always haunted me is the label of “inadequate.” Growing up with a learning disorder and struggling with speech did not make growing up easy, and it was hard to silence critics. Add in teachers, coaches, and others that were competitive and perfectionists, I never felt like I added up and became my own worst critic. I felt I had a lot of talent, but since it was not perfect it did not matter. This bothered me until I was in college. It seemed that every time I found something I was good at, such as theology, someone close to me would discourage me from that path or tell me that I am not good. I was told to stick to writing since it covered my weakness of talking. I had long grown out of my problem and had fun with public speaking, but I was still told that I was inadequate So what happened was I graduated undergrad with a degree but I had no hope. I eventually figured out that I was called to the ministry and moved on to that goal. I endured my time on active duty, because honestly, it was criticism after criticism. Compliments were few and far between, but I knew in my heart I was doing okay. When I got to seminary, it was overwhelming at first but I realized that I was pretty good at it. It stretched me, but I felt competent and capable. After graduation though, that’s when the rejection letters came. Whether it was not having enough experience for an “entry level pastor” position or just not being what they were looking for, they made it clear that I did not meet their standards. That coupled with some errant comments from a pastor and a friend about my abilities, I was pretty much defeated. I realized that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I still managed to work as hard as I could to do something in the ministry, because I felt that is where I belonged. It has been an exhausting process, but something happened on Sunday that helped me turn the corner. It hit home to me that the label that I had been given is not the label God wanted me to have. I began to realize that this past week has been an awesome growing experience that is affirming my ability. In the past week, I have had a few job opportunities come up, an internship possibility come up, and a potential opportunity to counsel come up. None of these were on the radar a few weeks ago, and now they are strong possibilities. This serves as a reminder to me that God has faith in me, just for certain reasons unknown to me, these options were not on the table before. So it is safe to say that even though the “inadequate” label is still there, I can feel that it is peeling off. It will probably take some time, but as I begin to succeed with the smaller amount of talents (referencing Jesus’ parable), it will grow into success with the larger amount of talents. It is small steps at a time, and I am hoping to be faithful with the small talents that this next stage of life brings.