Avoid, Alter, Adapt, Accept

I am going to start by saying that the past two weeks have been very heavy weeks for me, not bad, just heavy.  Between my workload for finals, job hunts, the holidays, an old friend passing away, and other disappointments, it has been a long two weeks!  But I feel at peace about everything.

I have been teaching a stress management class at church (part of my school workload), and I found that part of my lesson is very helpful as I sort out my life.  I find it very interesting that I am teaching the class, but sometimes I feel as if it is teaching me!  Just comes to show that God can work through many avenues to reach you!

It is called the 4 A’s… Avoid, Alter, Adapt, and Accept.  This is how it has been working for me…

Avoid: Not all fights are worth fighting, and sometimes the best confrontation is one that you never put yourself in the place to be in.  I am also constantly reminded that avoiding excessive time with certain people is wise.  A more recent adaptation of avoidance is knowing that just because I CAN do something, does not mean that I SHOULD do something.  Saying no to friendships, relationships, jobs, and ministry opportunities is rough, but I want to do God’s will.

Alter:  Sometimes a situation is unavoidable, but not pleasant.  This is when we must have boundaries in place with anyone who violates them.  I do my best to do it with grace and love.  A key here is knowing what is worth altering and when it is appropriate to do so.

Adapt:  Instead of seeing everything that is negative as life taking, reframe the opportunities as something that could be beneficial.  Remember the positives and glean those, while dispensing the negative before it eats at your soul.  For me, a simple thing that I do is remain thankful for the time that I have with people and make the best of the moments that I have with them rather than complaining about the time that I wish I could be with them. 

Accept: Certain things from the past cannot be changed, but I can change my reaction.  Otherwise, I find that the bitterness that is held onto is toxic.  We never want to let that happen because it poisons everyone.  Think of it like a book bag… I have all of these books, but they do not all belong to me.  It is important to know where the books came from and give them back because otherwise it makes my journey all the more heavier… and the weight of the bag is my concern and responsibility.

I have been making it a point this year to let go of those things that are not in my control.  I can not take responsibility for other people’s actions or their desires, but I can control mine.

One of the hardest things for me is letting things and people go because there are histories and I honestly care about people.  But sometimes I have to or else they will continue to steal what God has given me, and I cannot have that.  Sometimes I may want to either keep or start a friendship, job, position, or a relationship, but either it is not the right one, they chose differently, or it is not the right time.   It can be frustrating, but I have to accept that, and trust that God either knows the right timing or knows that it is not the right situation for me.  It’s tough, but I am confident that God has his best for me!

Anyway, so that is how God has been using what I have been learning and allowing me to teach on it.  I have been trying to implement these in my life, and I thought that it was really beneficial to share.  I hope that you like it as well =)