My Crazy 24 Hours with God

When I went to bed last night, I was seriously considering writing some pretty drastic measures for this post.  I will not get into it on here, but lets just say I was going to make some life changing decisions that would impact every aspect of my existence.  I intended to write a post about coping with disappointment and trying to understand why God lets us have hopes only for them to disappear.  I will answer that at the end, but in a much more constructive fashion.  God taught me a lot in 24 hours, and I am going to share that story.

I was driving home from hanging out with my friends last night and I was pretty much at the end of myself.  I had lost most of my dreams and desires, and along with it, I lost 15 pounds in the past week and a half because I have been so stressed that I have not been able to finish a meal. 

With tears streaming down my face, I was yelling to God (not at God) about my life.  It seemed that everything that made me happy, hopeful, and encouraged had been taken away in the last month, and I was exhausted from the negativity that has sieged me.  I asked him what he wanted from me, and what did I have to hope for because nothing seemed to be going right.  Then he answered, and answered, and answered…

That night, I went to bed and had a dream that a friend that I had fallen out with texted me.  It was so lucid that I woke up and checked my phone.  No text, but I felt as if God told me that the friendship would be redeemed.

When I came to church, the first person I saw was one of my “spiritual moms.”  She gave me a big hug, and asked, “how’s my boy doing?” I remembered that I had a family and a church home that cares about me, and I smiled and told her, “I am doing better.”

The pastor taught his message, and he taught about being on the launch pad of life.  I am not quite where I am supposed to be, but I am waiting.  This reminded me that many people have told me that I am not far from my calling.  He also spoke about how the toughest storms bring the biggest miracles.  At this point, a miracle is needed, and I am hoping to see it soon!

Leaving the service, I spoke with my career coach.  I told him about how my plans fell apart, but I told him how doors were opening.  He reminded me that there is positive movement, and that I should be aggressive.

Shortly after, I spoke with a man who I met back in May when my life fell apart.  My first memory with him was him hugging me and praying for me while I was a broken mess trying to figure out my life.  I spoke with him briefly (I talk to him and hug him weekly), and he reminded me of the day that I met him.  He told me that God did great things then, and he will do it again!  It built my faith and reminded me that God is powerful.

After that, I sat at a table with a friend from my group and a lady that I met back in June.  She spent the time talking with the two of us encouraging us and sharing us stories from her life.   She told me that she expects to hear how God moves in my life, and that God knows the desires of my heart.

She reminded me that often times we think that we know better than God, and when we do that, that’s when things go haywire!  Instead, rest in the fact that God is in control.

The other main ideas that she told me was the importance of giving grace to people and loving bitter people.  In my life, I have struggled with grace.  I give it to others, but it seems that so many people are stingy with me with grace.  I seek forgiveness and peace, but others seem to disregard it and continue to hang on to the offense and batter me with words without freeing me of accidental wound that I inflicted.  This has forced me into a perfectionist mindset at times, because I find that when I mess up I deal with beating up myself and getting beat up by others.  So this word was definitely needed because it reminded me that my heart is in the right place.

The final detail that she shared was loving bitter people.  I find that bitter people usually try to steal my joy, and even after I forgive them, I still have to deal with the memory of their words.  This lady told me to just love them and pray that God redeems their joy.  I plan on doing exactly that!

The final person I ran into was the wife in a couple that has become part of my church family.  They spoke to me about what it means to be forgiving and understanding in relationships.  It was affirming to me because I realized that even though I have been accused of terrible things in the past, I realized that I lined up a lot more with what she was saying than what others were saying.  It was nice, and it gave me confidence in my ability to be a healthy husband one day. 

She also spoke with me about choosing the job that God wants, rather than the job that is available.  She also felt that the Holy Spirit was confirming that a specific job was in the works for me, so we shall see!!

I visited with friends for a bit, and they were awesome to me!  I received prayer, and I was reminded that I have true friends that see me for who I am and love me for who I am.  It was truly a blessing.

I wrapped up the day with the Young Adult Ministry.  The leader spoke about how our stories matter, and that our stories will empower others.  When I look at my life, I have been through some crazy stuff.  By no right should I be where I am at now.  I was reminded that my story needs to be told, and that is why I am sharing it tonight.

So back to the question at hand.  Why does God allow us to hope for something or having a “perfect situation”, and then take it away?  The first thing that I learned was that God is not always responsible for these troubles.  The sins of individuals often time interferes with the blessing given from God.  You might have the perfect job or significant other, but the jealousy, selfishness, or abuse of might ruin what should be an amazing situation.  That’s one way bad things happen.  Other times, you might have dodged a bullet and did not realize it.  You might have applied to an “ideal job”, only to find that the boss is unbearable and people are miserable at the job.  So in the end you are thankful for the fact that you did not receive the job.

The final conclusion that I came up with is that God likes to remind us that he knows the desires of our hearts, much like he did today.  He reminded me that he knows the needs of my heart and that he knows that I want a good job, a happy marriage, good health, and a life that will bless and inspire others.  I might not get all of these right away, but he reminds me enough that I know that I can be patient and trust him.  A lot has changed in 24 hours, and I hope that you can appreciate how God revealed himself to me today!