One observation that I have made is that there is a serious case of depression in the Cleveland area. Not everyone has it, but it seems that many people close to me suffer from it and it seems to be holding them back from a greater life. The shame is that those people who are feeling oppressed are recoiling and isolating themselves.
So this is a call to anyone who is feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or defeated: Don't lose heart, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there and help others.
It seems very counter-intuitive, but I have found that usually when I feel drained and like I have nothing left to give, that is when I am called to give again. Sometimes I feel as if my soul is screaming underneath my skin, but I do it anyway. And you know what? I was able to bless others because of it, even through the exhaustion or pain that I felt. But it wasn't about me, it was about helping them... and I found peace and joy in that.
God is teaching me that instead of seeking his "blessings" all the time, I need to be proactive and bless others. Will I get blessed in return? I don't know, but I am content with that. I am okay with not knowing the big picture or how God is going to work in my life. I just need to focus on doing what God wants me to do, and if the blessing comes... great. If not, I will continue to give and continue to fight the good fight.
The contentment that Paul speaks about in Philippians 4:11-12 is becoming clearer to me. Whether it is not having much money or sleep, having medical problems, or working 60-70 hours a week between two jobs, I am learning to be content and know that I am where God wants me. I am hoping that things will get more comfortable, but I am learning to wait patiently for that day. Until then, I need to keep giving what I have.
Wait, Jason. You said that you don't have much money. How can you give what you don't have?
What was that? I am glad that you asked! Being able to give your time and talents can mean just as much to someone.
Aside from the general melancholy that I am seeing, I am finding that many of these people do three things:
1. Focus so much on their wounds that they can't see anything else
2. They don't share their talents and gifts with others
3. They expect others to give them things without doing anything in return
The issue is that it leads to a life of self-absorption, willingly or not. Self-absorption is the death of generosity... and the death of blessing others.
I have been there before. Isolation is a dangerous thing and it gives a lot of time to focus on the wounds and the pain that we experience. I intended to preserve myself, but instead I cut myself off. Thats why I forced myself to get out of the house and help those in need. I realized that when I wasn't doing that, I felt like a tiger in a zoo... a powerful animal that wants to feel powerful again, but has the issue of being stuck in an a world that they were not intended to live. So I found my way out, and I remembered what it was like to be free again.
The cool thing is that all of us can have that. We don't have to be stuck in the concrete mundane world where we feel captive. Instead, we can live a giving life and get out of the cycle of self-absorption.
Some people can stay depressed for years and not change a thing. To that, I ask, "how is that working for you?" If you are ready for a change, start by giving to people. God intended for us to be in community, and I truly believe that he meant for us to find life in community as well. Choose to give. Choose to live.
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