God is not a God of Chaos

I read this verse the other day, and it totally jumped out at me and smacked me in the face!!  I sometimes wonder why I do not pick up on this stuff quicker, because it would have saved me a ton of grief over the past few years!  I know that there are a lot of you out there who are probably wondering, “why is my life so crazy right now??”  I don’t think we will ever know, but here’s an idea.

James 3:16-18

16. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and all sorts of evil and vile practices. 

17. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure; then it is peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.

18. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

I find that there are two things here that cause chaos in our lives, it is either our own choices or other people’s influence.  When I think of my own choices, I immediately think of my time being a Chaplain Candidate.  There was a lot of confusion the entire time, and it appeared a lot of different ways.  Due to selfish ambition (wanting a job and trying to do it on my own power), I overlooked the fact that the process was chaotic and tried to plow through it.  I had good intentions, but ultimately I was trying to will my way into something that God did not want me in.  The way it came to an end was evidence of God’s hand ending the chaos (I can talk about it off record, but not on here), and I found that I have had peace once I understood that.

When I think about some of the other situations in my life, I can think about friendships and other situations that I had that were not healthy.  Whether it was jealousy or selfish ambition, I found that the stress that they brought into my life was disorienting.  It took my focus off of God, and instead I was trying to fix the problems rather than seek God.  Hurt people who hurt people do not realize what they do, they just do it because they have to.  Just like a bull that has no remorse for destroying the china shop, a self-centered person does not care who they hurt because it is stopping them from getting their object of desire.  Inevitably, they blame the person for getting in their way and blame them for making them destroy everything rather than examining themselves and being honest about the destruction they left behind.  This is why I must flee from jealousy and selfish ambition, because the results are never good and I do not want to harm people in my life.

In contrast, we see what wisdom provides. 

It is pure: think about what it feels like to have cold water on a hot day.  Nothing quenches your thirst more, and the wise person quenches your soul because they seek to give Godly counsel. 

It is peace loving:  the wise despise strife, but engage it to put the fire out.  They seek a life of harmony, and do what the must to protect it. 

It is gentle: By no means does the wise person want to harm those around them.

It is reasonable:  the wise person seeks understanding others and understanding situations rather than stereotyping or jumping to conclusions. 

It is full of mercy: Though the wise are careful with their hearts, they are quick to forgive others so that they are not burdened by un-forgiveness.

It is full of good fruits: the words and actions they produce are healthy and nourishing to those around them. 

It is unwavering:  They are stable and consistent in people’s lives.  Their yes is yes and their no is no, and they are dependable.

It is without hypocrisy:  Those who are wise seek God’s perspective and do not stray from it.  They are not double minded and do not live a life that they themselves would not condone.

When I look at the life of the wise person, it is much more appealing to me.  This is why I seek that life.  I do not always add up, but it is a process and I am doing my best.  In the past month, God has cleansed me of a few things that brought chaos to my life, it sort of felt like detoxing letting go of those things and it has been rough, but at the same time I am finding that it is creating discipline in me and giving me a fresh start.  Like salt in the wounds, it stings, but I know it is for a good reason.  I am not afraid of leaving behind some of those things that God took from me, but instead I am looking forward to what God will give me. 

It is much easier now that I can see the picture coming into focus, but I want to encourage you to ask for God’s perspective when confronted with disorder.  During the time it is hard to see the big picture, but keep seeking God for it!  Most of all, remember, our God is not a God of chaos.  Yes, you will see tough times, but God will not disorient you.  That is not his way.  So as you go forward, be encouraged and seek wisdom, because it is much better than the alternative!

A Picture of a Room/A Picture of a Heart

This week I was thinking about things to write about, and I asked God if there was anything worth writing about.  He brought me back to a conversation that I had with a friend that I never completed.  I wanted to say much more, but sometimes I just stop because I do not want to be the guy that rambles or says more than I have to.  I know that by my words I am acquitted or condemned, so I try to be as purposeful as possible.  In this case, saying more would have killed the tone of the conversation because the illustration was not complete in my mind.

A friend lost someone close, and I told them that it is okay to be dealing with it and that people heal at different paces.  No matter how long someone is in your life, they hold a place in your heart and that is okay to take your time to heal.  I told them not to feel guilty about the memories since they are allowed to happen, it is only when a memory stops someone’s progress that it is dangerous.   

As I was reliving this conversation, God reminded me of a picture of an empty room.  The room was painted a light pink color, and it was obviously lived in because there were nicks on the hard wood floor and walls, there were hash marks on the doorway, and the room felt like it was filled with memories.

What I believe God was reminding me of was that my heart is like a house.  People will come in and out of my life and I allow them to live there.  I only have so many rooms, but in each of them it is filled with friends, family, loved ones, jobs, ministries, etc.  Through my life, they come and spend time in my heart.

During that time, I will have a lot of great memories and I must cherish those and let them characterize those times of my life.  I must, however, learn to let go when it is time to let go so that other memories can happen with others that will move into the room.  If I try to force the person to stay in the room, it will hurt everyone.

Because I remember those positive memories, I must do my best not to force the new person to be like the last person or make them live up to expectations.  I must create new memories with each person in the room and allow them to be themselves unhindered by the history of the room.  Sometimes this means repainting and redecorating the room, but sometimes accommodations must be made.  Each person is unique, and they deserve to be treated as such.

Finally, I need to let people into that room, especially if it has been empty for a while.  If I try to close it off or keep it as a shrine to someone who has left, bad things will happen.  Whether it is decay, infestation, or smell, a room will not last if it is not used for its intended purpose…. To be lived in.  In the same way, if a heart is not occupied, it will go to waste.  This is why I have to let people into my heart.

So what I feel like someone needs to hear today is that it is okay to be sad that a room was left empty by someone or something.  You might want them to come back, and they might, but do not be afraid to let someone or something else move in.   Whether it’s a job, a person, a child, or a spouse, it can be scary because you never know what the new person will do in the room.  But if you never let them in, you will never know.  Remember, if they love you and care about you, they will take care of the room and do their best to fix it when they mess up it up.  Those are the right people and things to let into your heart.

In conclusion, when the nicks appear on the floor and the wall, deal with it and see it for what it is... fixable.  When the hash marks appear on the doorway, celebrate the time spent together and growing with one another.  Cherish the memories, because you never know when they will move out.  Though it hurts to let someone move out, it is better than never inviting them to move in and never having the chance to create memories together.  

  

My Crazy 24 Hours with God

When I went to bed last night, I was seriously considering writing some pretty drastic measures for this post.  I will not get into it on here, but lets just say I was going to make some life changing decisions that would impact every aspect of my existence.  I intended to write a post about coping with disappointment and trying to understand why God lets us have hopes only for them to disappear.  I will answer that at the end, but in a much more constructive fashion.  God taught me a lot in 24 hours, and I am going to share that story.

I was driving home from hanging out with my friends last night and I was pretty much at the end of myself.  I had lost most of my dreams and desires, and along with it, I lost 15 pounds in the past week and a half because I have been so stressed that I have not been able to finish a meal. 

With tears streaming down my face, I was yelling to God (not at God) about my life.  It seemed that everything that made me happy, hopeful, and encouraged had been taken away in the last month, and I was exhausted from the negativity that has sieged me.  I asked him what he wanted from me, and what did I have to hope for because nothing seemed to be going right.  Then he answered, and answered, and answered…

That night, I went to bed and had a dream that a friend that I had fallen out with texted me.  It was so lucid that I woke up and checked my phone.  No text, but I felt as if God told me that the friendship would be redeemed.

When I came to church, the first person I saw was one of my “spiritual moms.”  She gave me a big hug, and asked, “how’s my boy doing?” I remembered that I had a family and a church home that cares about me, and I smiled and told her, “I am doing better.”

The pastor taught his message, and he taught about being on the launch pad of life.  I am not quite where I am supposed to be, but I am waiting.  This reminded me that many people have told me that I am not far from my calling.  He also spoke about how the toughest storms bring the biggest miracles.  At this point, a miracle is needed, and I am hoping to see it soon!

Leaving the service, I spoke with my career coach.  I told him about how my plans fell apart, but I told him how doors were opening.  He reminded me that there is positive movement, and that I should be aggressive.

Shortly after, I spoke with a man who I met back in May when my life fell apart.  My first memory with him was him hugging me and praying for me while I was a broken mess trying to figure out my life.  I spoke with him briefly (I talk to him and hug him weekly), and he reminded me of the day that I met him.  He told me that God did great things then, and he will do it again!  It built my faith and reminded me that God is powerful.

After that, I sat at a table with a friend from my group and a lady that I met back in June.  She spent the time talking with the two of us encouraging us and sharing us stories from her life.   She told me that she expects to hear how God moves in my life, and that God knows the desires of my heart.

She reminded me that often times we think that we know better than God, and when we do that, that’s when things go haywire!  Instead, rest in the fact that God is in control.

The other main ideas that she told me was the importance of giving grace to people and loving bitter people.  In my life, I have struggled with grace.  I give it to others, but it seems that so many people are stingy with me with grace.  I seek forgiveness and peace, but others seem to disregard it and continue to hang on to the offense and batter me with words without freeing me of accidental wound that I inflicted.  This has forced me into a perfectionist mindset at times, because I find that when I mess up I deal with beating up myself and getting beat up by others.  So this word was definitely needed because it reminded me that my heart is in the right place.

The final detail that she shared was loving bitter people.  I find that bitter people usually try to steal my joy, and even after I forgive them, I still have to deal with the memory of their words.  This lady told me to just love them and pray that God redeems their joy.  I plan on doing exactly that!

The final person I ran into was the wife in a couple that has become part of my church family.  They spoke to me about what it means to be forgiving and understanding in relationships.  It was affirming to me because I realized that even though I have been accused of terrible things in the past, I realized that I lined up a lot more with what she was saying than what others were saying.  It was nice, and it gave me confidence in my ability to be a healthy husband one day. 

She also spoke with me about choosing the job that God wants, rather than the job that is available.  She also felt that the Holy Spirit was confirming that a specific job was in the works for me, so we shall see!!

I visited with friends for a bit, and they were awesome to me!  I received prayer, and I was reminded that I have true friends that see me for who I am and love me for who I am.  It was truly a blessing.

I wrapped up the day with the Young Adult Ministry.  The leader spoke about how our stories matter, and that our stories will empower others.  When I look at my life, I have been through some crazy stuff.  By no right should I be where I am at now.  I was reminded that my story needs to be told, and that is why I am sharing it tonight.

So back to the question at hand.  Why does God allow us to hope for something or having a “perfect situation”, and then take it away?  The first thing that I learned was that God is not always responsible for these troubles.  The sins of individuals often time interferes with the blessing given from God.  You might have the perfect job or significant other, but the jealousy, selfishness, or abuse of might ruin what should be an amazing situation.  That’s one way bad things happen.  Other times, you might have dodged a bullet and did not realize it.  You might have applied to an “ideal job”, only to find that the boss is unbearable and people are miserable at the job.  So in the end you are thankful for the fact that you did not receive the job.

The final conclusion that I came up with is that God likes to remind us that he knows the desires of our hearts, much like he did today.  He reminded me that he knows the needs of my heart and that he knows that I want a good job, a happy marriage, good health, and a life that will bless and inspire others.  I might not get all of these right away, but he reminds me enough that I know that I can be patient and trust him.  A lot has changed in 24 hours, and I hope that you can appreciate how God revealed himself to me today!

The War on Negativity

I normally do not write when I am feeling emotional about something, but I just realized a few minutes ago that this is something that needs to be heard… maybe someone needs to hear it right now, and that is why I am impulsively writing.  Today, I would like to suggest that you declare war on negativity in your life. 

The tongue has the power to give life or give death.  I was reflecting on the past year of my life, and I realized that negativity has been a cancer to me, and I know that it is a cancer to other people.   Today, I recommitted to changing that.

Within the past 24 hours, I found that I was praying against this topic on a few occasions.  A good friend of mine was feeling overwhelmed by the negativity in her life, so I prayed that she would find healthy life-giving friends that will support her.  Just like a pitcher of water, if it is never refilled, it becomes empty after pouring into others.  I prayed that positive people would pour into her (and that God would give me the strength to do that in her life as well) so that she would no longer feel dry.  Someone else I know has abandoned her faith and has become bitter and angry (and malicious towards me), and I cursed the spirits that bother her while praying that God restores her soul to a place of peace.  I need to intercede for her, because she has grown to love the bitterness.

These are just a few examples, but give it a try.  Take the time to pray for those around you and ask God to infuse a positive, life-giving spirit to them.  Ask God to do a new work in you as well.  I find that it can be tough to be positive all the time, but I ask God to search me and restore what has been taken from me.  It requires effort, but it is worth it.

Many years ago, I learned that I had to take on the enemy and take back what is mine by myself.  This meant confronting people who were wounding me and making amends with memories of when others have wounded me.  The truth is that it was relieving, it was not easy and can be a slow process, but it is relieving.  Just remember, that the pain you feel by doing that is much like setting a broken bone… it hurts for the moment, but it is better to have that short term pain than a lifetime of a problems with the broken bone.

Do you remember my backpack analogy from a few weeks ago?  It applies here too!  If you have a book bag filled with everyone else’s garbage, it weighs you down.  This is why you have to either dump those contents on the ground and keep walking, or give it back to the person who seems to like giving you their baggage.  Preferably, giving it back to the person is the best thing because it creates accountability with them so that they know that you will not let them weigh you down.

My hope is that you see this as a serious issue as well!  Whether you are a Christian or not, know that negativity is something that will not win you friends.  Most people do not wake up in the morning and say, “wow, I really want to hang out with the person that belittles me constantly and cuts down everyone behind their back!”  This is why we have to take a stand now, so that we do not become complacent with negativity.  Paul commands the Ephesian church in Ephesians 4:29 to not let any unwholesome talk come out of their mouths, but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Lets make having a life-giving heart one of our goals for the new year!