Trust and Delight in the Lord

Psalm 37:3&4- Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I am going to be honest with you and say that right now I am having a very hard time making that verse mine. As most of you know, when I write on this blog I talk about things that I am going through or have made it through. Usually I write about what I have made it through with the hope of encouraging people, but today I am writing about what I am struggling through.

It is hard because after four years of seminary and doing what I feel God led me to do, I have found nothing on the other side. Having loans that are due, I need employment fast and I have nothing to speak of except part time jobs.

As much as I want to trust in God, I am having a hard time hearing him. I try to listen to the quiet voice that I normally hear, but in the mix I hear very loud voices telling me to fix all of the situations in my life. Whether it is getting my Navy career straightened around, being a better employee, finding employment, being a better boyfriend, being a better friend to people, figuring out whether to go back to school or go after hospital chaplain training, whether to move or to stay, God's voice is lost in the mix.

So if you were to ask me what the desires of my heart are right now, I want peace. Hearing someone say, "trust in the Lord" does not make sense to me at times. What I have found is that I need to spend more time enjoying the presence of the Lord. I am beginning to realize that as a ministry person, sometimes God stops being enjoyable. I love God, don't get me wrong, but I do feel burned out after being pulled so many directions. Honestly, in ministry, people get pulled too many directions to the point where ministry becomes a chore rather than a joy.

So today I am going to try to be better at delighting in the Lord. I need to find ways that I connect with him better and that some sort of ministry task is not attached to it. I also need to be better at rejoicing and giving thanks when things are going well and when things are going bad (paraphrasing 1 Thes 5:16-18). I am not the type to get mad at God or expect too much from him, but I sometimes wish that he would give me a little bit more to work with.

In closing, I hope that you are able to take a few things away from this Psalm. When I heard it at church yesterday it definitely hit home with me. It is hard to trust and delight in the Lord when there is so much uncertainty, but I need to do a better job in both circumstances. I hope that this verse inspires you too as you continue to live out God's calling in your life.