Pre-VDay Post

I was actually going to post on something different this week, but I had this interesting idea to get some information out there before you enter the Valentines Day season. So, for all my single friends, I created a list basing it off of 1 Corinthians 13... yeah, I know, it gets beat into the ground but hopefully this will be helpful! Without further adieu, hopefully this helps you with your adventure.

Love is Patient... Is the guy or gal patient with you? Does he or she try to rush you into a decision rather than giving you time and space to think? Is he or she trying to make you do something that you do not want to do or not ready to do? Patience is the first quality mentioned, and I think it is one of the most important qualities in a relationship. You have to wonder why they are in a hurry... just food for thought!

Love is kind... There is one reason that I would hate to be a praying mantis... because once I find the girl of my dreams and start a family, she literally bites my head off and eats me! Not very kind. So is the person you are with kind to you? Or do they make jokes ABOUT you, make snide remarks all the time, or get mad at you over every little decision? Paul calls us to be kind to one another, and if you are looking a relationship with a broken person who is negative and hurtful because of what others have done, you might want to pass and invest in a healthy person.

Love does not envy... In relationships, we should want to share with one another. If someone only wants to take what is yours or if they are jealous of what you have, it could be problematic! We should always be happy for what other people have been blessed with. Find someone who encourages you to be your best, rather than someone who has to be the best at everything.

Love does not boast... Nobody likes a show off. Yes, they are entertaining at times, but not the type that you want a lasting friendship or relationship with. Instead, finding someone who is content and secure in themselves will save you a lot of frustration. Once the boasting ends, they require you to validate them. Instead, find a humble person who is content with life.

love is not conceited... Having a healthy sense of self esteem is admirable. In fact, it is a great quality to have since they are well aware of their abilities. However, some people over estimate their value to society. If you meet one of these people, you might want to buy them a mirror to date instead... the mirror won't get frustrated with the excessive self compliments. Instead, find someone who has healthy self-standards and has healthy boundaries.

love does not dishonor others... Much like I said before about kindness, try to avoid someone who runs you down. Conversely, someone who gives too much praise should be avoided since flattering and not being lovingly honest leads to negative results. The trick here is finding someone who has a healthy perspective of you, does not worship you but does not belittle you. One who loves you for who you are.

Love is not selfish... Guys and Girls can both be selfish. That being said, as soon as someone starts demanding things out of you, start thinking about your other options. Especially if the person wants to do nothing in return for you. Somewhere along the line, the words "deserve" and "expect" replaced the words "please" and "thank you". Even if the person thanks you for things that you do for them, be wary of their inability to return the favor and do something nice for you just because they want to. Relationships are reciprocal, princes and divas are not.

Love is not easily angered... There is a time and place for anger. Much like pain, anger is a reminder that there is something not right in your heart. The difference is righteous anger vs. petty anger. If the person gets mad because of injustice, thats one thing. But if they are mad and men or women and displace their anger, thats a whole other issue. Be angered by the right things, and find someone who will be as well.

Love does not keep a record of right and wrong... Finding a balance between healthy boundaries and fault finding is crucial here. If the person has a tendency to commit certain sins against you, then it is okay to keep healthy boundaries. But if the person can not let go of an isolated incident when you lost your cool and still holds it against you, that is not healthy. Notice the difference... healthy is keeping yourself safe from a negative pattern. Unhealthy is holding a grudge over an isolated incident and nagging the person about it.

Love does not delight in evil... Prozac may help... or, a lobotomy. Hurt people hurt people, they are not fun to be around. Just remember that every relationship you are in impacts your heart and you carry that into the next relationship. Someone who is vindictive does not need to be in a relationship until their heart is healed and they stop hurting others.

Love rejoices in the truth... Honesty is the best policy. This is not to say bulldoze the person with the truth. There are more tactful ways to give the truth. Instead of telling someone that you think that their outfit is ugly, if you tell them that it is not your favorite of their outfits and say which style you prefer and why, it is honest and constructive but not hurtful. Truth can build people up and build trust. Outside of that, it is sort of confusing when you find out that the person that you were dating was being a chameleon to gain your favor. This situation rarely turns out well, but honesty becomes evident over time. Seek truth.

love protects.... I read a book once on a friends recommendation that talked about dating. It described being in a relationship like holding the other person's heart. If the person wanted to hurt you, it was not hard to do. But if they wanted to protect you, they could easily do that as well. So when you chose someone to date, make sure they chose to keep your heart safe rather than being reckless with it. Nothing is worse than not having a home front that you feel safe at because you are being attacked from all sides. Also, are they consistent and caring or do they jump from person to person leaving a trail of confused people behind after leaving mixed signals? Guard your heart, and chose someone who will help you do that.

Love trusts... Similar to the last point discussed, if your heart is going to be in the hands of another person, you may want to make sure that they are a good person! I choose "good" over "safe" because safe often times means that the person won't be truthful but instead do what it takes to keep the peace. Someone who is trustworthy will be honest and loving, look for that rather than someone who just tickles your ear.

Love hopes for the best... hmm... optimism. A rare quality at times. But in a world that can be frustratingly bleak, it is good to be in a place where the person you care about the most is encouraging you and looking for the best, rather than bringing you down and bracing for the worst all of the time. They usually claim it is being realistic, being cautious, or being conscious of the future, but a lot of times it is straight up hurtful and pessimistic. Optimism is not naive, instead it looks, hopes, and works towards the best.

Love preservers... When the going gets tough, where is the person that you are dating? Are they along side you ready to fight, or are they running quickly towards the door? The idea of working hard for something good and being patient for a blessing is a foreign concept to my generation. Instead, it is a microwave society. But remember, that sometimes the slow cooked meal requires more work but it is healthier and better for you in the long run. Find people who are willing to wait along side you through the storms.

So thats about it. There are other things that I think about concerning relationships, but I think they are obvious and work themselves out in the wash.

In conclusion, if you really want to get a good assessment of yourself, look through the verses and substitute your name for "love" or "it". Its a fun little exercise I tell people to do so that they can seek a Christ like walk. For instance... "Jason is patient, Jason is kind, He does not envy, he does not boast..." It was humbling the first time I did it, but it keeps me in perspective, and hopefully it will do the same for you.

Thank you for reading this, and be safe out there and guard your heart!