Confronting isms

So this weekend I had an interesting run in. I had to confront the same person on two different forms of stereotyping: gender and racist stereotypes. After being called a "typical man" for not organizing something the way she would do it, and she expected me to sit listen to her rant and stereotype white men. I went home very annoyed. I also began to realize that these have been huge issues for the church for years, and that it will continue to be a problem if we do not learn to forgive one another.

For those that know me well, you know that I respect women and I do not subdue or mistreat them. However, I have noticed that I meet a lot of women who have been mistreated by men, and then bad mouth or talk down to me like I am one of those that mistreated them. If I were completely selfish, I would get upset about it and stereotype women negatively. However, I am not that person. Instead, I realize that there is probably a good reason that they are upset with men, and try to tell them to mark that message as "return to sender." With the amount of churches that support a suppressive stance on women, it makes sense that women do not tolerate the chauvinistic mindset (rightfully so). The problem comes about when you assume that everyone is going to be that way, and then voice that opinion for everyone to hear. Consequently, you miss out on individuals that can be very influential in your life. Hurt people tend to do that, and that can be dangerous.

1 Corinthians demonstrates a lot of issues with the subject of women (1 Corinthians 11:3-10, 14:33-35). The problem is that when the verses written concerning women are read without context, it looks terribly sexist. In turn, certain men subject women unfairly because they think that they can, and that creates resentment. After resentment, anger will surface and it will be redirected. The problem is that when the person takes their anger out on every one who fits the profile rather than the specific person or people at fault, it creates hurt in a fairly innocent person and perpetuates the cycle.

I use this example to show how resentment is formed. This can happen with gender, age, race, denomination, ethnicity, gifting, and social class. If we are not careful, we will continue to inflict wounds onto each other by perpetuating other people's hurt. As Christians, we are called to be a house united, not a house divided. The Corinthians got rebuked for creating divisions in their church, and we should learn from their mistakes. In response, there are two things that we must do to stop allowing these divisions:

1. Forgive others. The problem is that hurt people hurt people. If we take their hurt and take it out on the wrong person, then we are just as bad as those that hurt us. We can not allow that to happen.

2. Change the Paradigm. We as leaders need to make sure that people know that it is unacceptable to view others as below you in any fashion. Your heart speaks for you, and if our hearts are pure, then we will inspire others to be more accepting and healthy.

In closing, I hope this does not come off as some campy heal the world type of message. Instead, I am hoping that it helps us realize that when we act out on stereotypes instead of viewing people as individuals, we hurt a lot of people instead of helping them. Christ did not do that, and neither should we.

Dating tip to my single friends out there (having to do with isms)... if you are making man-hating/woman-hating comments or bashing your exes, don't act surprised if you are single. It's super unattractive, and the only people that will be with you have absolutely no self-esteem... which will lead you to complain anyway! It starts in your heart. Think and act positively about people and look for ways to bless them, rather than feeling entitled. But be wise about who you give your heart to, forgive those who unintentionally hurt you because they honestly do not mean it. Forgive those who intentionally hurt you because you do not want their baggage weighing you down the rest of your life.... and have good boundaries about those type of people. But in order to avoid the pain and bitterness of isms... we must learn to forgive.