Pre-VDay Post

I was actually going to post on something different this week, but I had this interesting idea to get some information out there before you enter the Valentines Day season. So, for all my single friends, I created a list basing it off of 1 Corinthians 13... yeah, I know, it gets beat into the ground but hopefully this will be helpful! Without further adieu, hopefully this helps you with your adventure.

Love is Patient... Is the guy or gal patient with you? Does he or she try to rush you into a decision rather than giving you time and space to think? Is he or she trying to make you do something that you do not want to do or not ready to do? Patience is the first quality mentioned, and I think it is one of the most important qualities in a relationship. You have to wonder why they are in a hurry... just food for thought!

Love is kind... There is one reason that I would hate to be a praying mantis... because once I find the girl of my dreams and start a family, she literally bites my head off and eats me! Not very kind. So is the person you are with kind to you? Or do they make jokes ABOUT you, make snide remarks all the time, or get mad at you over every little decision? Paul calls us to be kind to one another, and if you are looking a relationship with a broken person who is negative and hurtful because of what others have done, you might want to pass and invest in a healthy person.

Love does not envy... In relationships, we should want to share with one another. If someone only wants to take what is yours or if they are jealous of what you have, it could be problematic! We should always be happy for what other people have been blessed with. Find someone who encourages you to be your best, rather than someone who has to be the best at everything.

Love does not boast... Nobody likes a show off. Yes, they are entertaining at times, but not the type that you want a lasting friendship or relationship with. Instead, finding someone who is content and secure in themselves will save you a lot of frustration. Once the boasting ends, they require you to validate them. Instead, find a humble person who is content with life.

love is not conceited... Having a healthy sense of self esteem is admirable. In fact, it is a great quality to have since they are well aware of their abilities. However, some people over estimate their value to society. If you meet one of these people, you might want to buy them a mirror to date instead... the mirror won't get frustrated with the excessive self compliments. Instead, find someone who has healthy self-standards and has healthy boundaries.

love does not dishonor others... Much like I said before about kindness, try to avoid someone who runs you down. Conversely, someone who gives too much praise should be avoided since flattering and not being lovingly honest leads to negative results. The trick here is finding someone who has a healthy perspective of you, does not worship you but does not belittle you. One who loves you for who you are.

Love is not selfish... Guys and Girls can both be selfish. That being said, as soon as someone starts demanding things out of you, start thinking about your other options. Especially if the person wants to do nothing in return for you. Somewhere along the line, the words "deserve" and "expect" replaced the words "please" and "thank you". Even if the person thanks you for things that you do for them, be wary of their inability to return the favor and do something nice for you just because they want to. Relationships are reciprocal, princes and divas are not.

Love is not easily angered... There is a time and place for anger. Much like pain, anger is a reminder that there is something not right in your heart. The difference is righteous anger vs. petty anger. If the person gets mad because of injustice, thats one thing. But if they are mad and men or women and displace their anger, thats a whole other issue. Be angered by the right things, and find someone who will be as well.

Love does not keep a record of right and wrong... Finding a balance between healthy boundaries and fault finding is crucial here. If the person has a tendency to commit certain sins against you, then it is okay to keep healthy boundaries. But if the person can not let go of an isolated incident when you lost your cool and still holds it against you, that is not healthy. Notice the difference... healthy is keeping yourself safe from a negative pattern. Unhealthy is holding a grudge over an isolated incident and nagging the person about it.

Love does not delight in evil... Prozac may help... or, a lobotomy. Hurt people hurt people, they are not fun to be around. Just remember that every relationship you are in impacts your heart and you carry that into the next relationship. Someone who is vindictive does not need to be in a relationship until their heart is healed and they stop hurting others.

Love rejoices in the truth... Honesty is the best policy. This is not to say bulldoze the person with the truth. There are more tactful ways to give the truth. Instead of telling someone that you think that their outfit is ugly, if you tell them that it is not your favorite of their outfits and say which style you prefer and why, it is honest and constructive but not hurtful. Truth can build people up and build trust. Outside of that, it is sort of confusing when you find out that the person that you were dating was being a chameleon to gain your favor. This situation rarely turns out well, but honesty becomes evident over time. Seek truth.

love protects.... I read a book once on a friends recommendation that talked about dating. It described being in a relationship like holding the other person's heart. If the person wanted to hurt you, it was not hard to do. But if they wanted to protect you, they could easily do that as well. So when you chose someone to date, make sure they chose to keep your heart safe rather than being reckless with it. Nothing is worse than not having a home front that you feel safe at because you are being attacked from all sides. Also, are they consistent and caring or do they jump from person to person leaving a trail of confused people behind after leaving mixed signals? Guard your heart, and chose someone who will help you do that.

Love trusts... Similar to the last point discussed, if your heart is going to be in the hands of another person, you may want to make sure that they are a good person! I choose "good" over "safe" because safe often times means that the person won't be truthful but instead do what it takes to keep the peace. Someone who is trustworthy will be honest and loving, look for that rather than someone who just tickles your ear.

Love hopes for the best... hmm... optimism. A rare quality at times. But in a world that can be frustratingly bleak, it is good to be in a place where the person you care about the most is encouraging you and looking for the best, rather than bringing you down and bracing for the worst all of the time. They usually claim it is being realistic, being cautious, or being conscious of the future, but a lot of times it is straight up hurtful and pessimistic. Optimism is not naive, instead it looks, hopes, and works towards the best.

Love preservers... When the going gets tough, where is the person that you are dating? Are they along side you ready to fight, or are they running quickly towards the door? The idea of working hard for something good and being patient for a blessing is a foreign concept to my generation. Instead, it is a microwave society. But remember, that sometimes the slow cooked meal requires more work but it is healthier and better for you in the long run. Find people who are willing to wait along side you through the storms.

So thats about it. There are other things that I think about concerning relationships, but I think they are obvious and work themselves out in the wash.

In conclusion, if you really want to get a good assessment of yourself, look through the verses and substitute your name for "love" or "it". Its a fun little exercise I tell people to do so that they can seek a Christ like walk. For instance... "Jason is patient, Jason is kind, He does not envy, he does not boast..." It was humbling the first time I did it, but it keeps me in perspective, and hopefully it will do the same for you.

Thank you for reading this, and be safe out there and guard your heart!

What do we hate?

As you may know, I am a fairly avid reader. I like books that challenge me to be a better person and to be a better Christian. The currently book I am steamrolling through is 9 Things that You Simply Must do to Succeed in Love and Life by Henry Cloud. The chapter that I am stuck on and mauling over is principle 6: hate well. It sounded really curious to me, but when I read it I learned a lot about God, myself, and others. I will quickly break this down for you...

Proverbs 6:16-19

16 There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
19 A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.

the six/seven detail confuses me, but the seven details that are mentioned are quite reasonable. So this is what I learned about God: God is not unreasonable in what he dislikes. How many people can say that they love the company of arrogant people, liars, someone who attacks innocent people, malicious people, people who love doing evil deeds, a gossip/drama queen, or someone who breaks up families or friends? Not many. In fact, I am pretty sure that most cultures do not revere these people, and almost any religion instructs to avoid this behavior because it leads to ruin.

So what does this mean in the big picture? That God is not crazy. God does not have multiple personalities in which he loves suffering one moment and abhors it the next. This is a sane and reasonable God. The people that follow God deal with human nature, but God instructs us to avoid these issues.

What does this teach about me? Do the things that I hate seem reasonable or is it outlandish? Much of what we choose to love and chose to hate illustrate our character. The things that I hate are selfishness, humor at other people's expense, betrayal, entitlement/taking from others without being willing to give, and blatant disregard of other's feelings to name a few. So what did that teach me about me? First off, I value other people and firmly believe in loving others well. Secondly, I do not tolerate destructive negativity, especially towards me or the people in my care.

When I write down the things that I love and that motivate me, I begin to see where I like to focus my energy. I love seeing others happy and at peace, I love to teach/share things that God has done with me, I love experiencing the Holy Spirit use me to help others, I love to see others find success and reach their dreams, I love the feeling of being among my friends and fully living life with them. I start to see a pattern here as well. Most of what I am doing involves being with God and being with others.

So what does that mean about you? Give it a try. Write down the things that you hate, and see if it is properly placed. When people hate the right things and do not tolerate them, they do not become an obstacle in your life because you pull the weed out before it overtakes the garden. Also, take the time to write down the things that you love and the things that motivate you. This will help guide you to see what it is that you most easily spend your energy on since it is what you naturally gravitate towards. If it is positive, then that is great. But if your joy leads to destructive results, you may want to consider asking God to help you realign your priorities so that you can love others rather than hurt them.

Thats all for now! I have an interview tomorrow in the AM, I am hoping to be gainfully employed soon. I will keep you updated!!

Salt and Light

This is a lesson that I have taught at a few venues, and so I apologize in advance if you have read this or heard this before. When we think about our call as Christians and our call as people in society, I am reminded of what Jesus said about being salt and being light. When most people think of these analogies, being salt can be rather unflattering. Of all the minerals on the mineral chart, Jesus picks a dull and ordinary mineral. However, did you ever think about what salt means to the world?

-Small doses of salt was used to fertilize soil. How does God use you in your surroundings?
-Salt is used to preserve meat. Are we as Christians helping people stay together when the elements of life are trying to ruin others?
-Salt heals. Are we helping people mend, or are we letting them be infected?
-Salt adds flavor to food. Are we adding to the good that is already around us?

Most of all, salt is unique. If you try to replace salt with sugar, it does not work... it may resemble salt, but it tastes nothing like it. Salt is a unique ingredient that can not be replicated well. When Jesus mentions salt in Matthew 5:13, he mentions that if it does not have it's saltiness, then it's only use is to be thrown out and trampled on. This inspired me because when I read this, I realized that we have a significant role to play in society... and that if Christians lose their saltiness, then there is no real reason for us to be doing what we do.

What about light?
-Light gives hope. When people are in dark places, do we give them hope or do we discourage them?
-Light guides. When people are lost, do we lead them to safe places or do we leave them to their own devices?
-Light gives warmth. When someone is cold, can we help them warm up?
-Light helps life grow. Life would not exist without sunlight, can our lights help others grow into what God wants them to be?

So as you can see, these fairly bland descriptions of Christians are very basic elements of life. So if you are feeling discouraged right now about where you are and your ability to influence others, just know that God sees you as essential to the well being others... do not forget that!

Using the Bad for Good

As you know the past few weeks I have been seeking God's direction for my life, and I am finding that I am getting a lot more answers. When I get prayed over, I find that I generally get the same messages repeatedly. Last night (actually this morning, circa 1-2 am) I got prayed over by a man who never met me and knew nothing about my life. He reaffirmed that I was in a void point of my life and that I was not at peace with my situation, but reaffirmed that I would be out of that period of my life soon. This is the third or fourth time that I have received this message by someone who is not familiar with my situation, and though I find it comforting, there are still a lot of questions that need to be answered.

I am generally good about being patient and waiting, but I can only hold out financially for so long; thus I am rather curious about the next stage of life. What I found to be helpful was that I was reminded that the situation is not about me... we often times think everything is about us, but what about the people at our appointed destination that need our blessing. The pieces may not be in place yet, or the person that I am to replace may still be occupying the position. These things take time, and I just need to remember that.

Though I set out to talk about something different, I wanted to include that in my message since it is related. The main message that I wanted to talk about today was why it seems that people who honestly try hard at life seem to get the short end of the stick while others seem to walk through life getting what they want even if they do it deviously. It can be frustrating to some, and one verse that really stuck out to me was looking at the story of Esau and Jacob in Genesis 27.

When we look at how Jacob deceived his brother by taking his birthright, many people think, "how unfair!" Rebekah deceived a dying Isaac by dressing up Jacob as Esau so that he may receive the blessing. Jacob also convinced Esau to exchange his inheritance for some lentil stew and bred when he was exhausted. It seems that this deception was unfair, and that Esau was getting robbed of what was rightfully his as the older twin. But there is reason to believe that Israel would have never come into existence without Jacob's schemes.

Esau married wives that worshipped other Gods. Many people today have no problem marrying people of other denominations or religions, but back then marrying someone of other religious beliefs was a dangerous practice and had further implications. In this case, Esau married Hittites who worshipped many Gods, none of which was the God of Abraham and Isaac. If Esau was to continue on this path and the nation of Israel were to be formed from him, it would have failed due to Hittite influence. It was crucial that the nation of Israel was formed with like minded people. Though he tried to marry one of Ishmael's daughters later, it was too little too late to regain his father's blessing.

The second detail worth noting is that the birthright was everything to these people. The fact that he sold his birthright for a meal speaks volumes for how little he viewed it's value. Either that, or he was so short sighted that he would rather have the immediate gratification of food when he wanted it than to have an eternal blessing.

The third detail worth noting is that Esau was not exactly a poster child for founding a nation. Him and his Hittite wives made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah (Gen 27:35, 46), so they created many issues inside the house of Isaac.

When all of these things are considered, it may have been good that God allowed Jacob to deceive Esau. If he did not, the house of Israel would have looked completely different, if it would have existed at all. I am not saying this today to condone devious or deceitful acts, but instead to bring new perspective to why some things happen the way that they do. There is a big picture, and sometimes we do not have a grasp of it because of where we stand.

So that brings me to today. I am still waiting for everything to line up and wondering when it will, but at least I know that God has the big picture in mind and I know that he is able to use whatever he wants to get his will to work properly. I just have to wait for the opportunity like Jacob rather than trying to force my own destiny like Esau.

Did you ever think that...

Yes, I should be wrapping up my final paper for my first semester of counseling school, but this won't take long! When I think about the world, I mean, the universe, it can be absolutely overwhelming. There is so much to it that it is hard to fathom in my finite mind. So I stop, and I think about what is right in front of me: earth. Did you ever stop to think about what it takes to create a livable planet? I stole this from my Apologetics Dictionary (pp. 26 & 27), but think about these ideas, for a moment:

If the atmosphere was 25 percent oxygen, the world would be on fire... if it was 15 percent, humans would suffocate. Our atmosphere is 21 percent oxygen.

If there was a slight increase in gravity, the sun would burn too rapidly and erratically to sustain life.

If the centrifugal force of the planetary movement did not precisely balance the gravitational forces, then nothing would orbit around the sun.

If the universe was expanding one millionth slower than it is, the temperature of the earth would be 10,000 degrees.

If the average distance between stars was not as far as they were, orbits would become erratic and the extreme temperature variations on earth would kill life.

If Jupiter's orbit was different, then the earth would be bombarded by asteroids and comments that would have otherwise been sucked in by Jupiter's gravitational pull.

If the earths crust was any thinner, volcanic activity would destroy life on earth. If it was thicker, too much oxygen would be transferred to the earth, thus life could not be supported.

If the rotation of the earth was anything other than 24 hours, the temperatures would be too erratic to support life.

If the axial tilt was any different, then surface temperatures would destroy life.

If lightening was any stronger, it would create too much fire destruction... if it was weaker, than there would be too little of nitrogen in the soil.

If there were more earthquakes, then too much life would be lost. If there were less earthquakes, certain nutrients needed for life would not cycle back into the continents as it should.

When I read these facts, I can not help but think about how God tailor made the earth for us. It gives me hope and it gives me faith knowing that God knows what he is doing. Anyway, I just wanted to share that because I found it to be extremely helpful!

Hurting people hurting people

A new friend of mine told me that I should get back into writing because I need to continue to work on my ability. I also realized that by me not sharing what I am going through, others can not learn from my mistakes, my incite, or what God is sharing with me. So I am hoping that this is not too rough, it is a bit personal, but I am not exactly a closed book.

My trip home to Cleveland was a huge help because I had a lot of time to think and pray (26 hours total after delays), and I was able to get perspective on work and school mainly. It looks like things are coming together with employment, even though I am not sure that I know where I will end up living in the next month. As for school, I may take a few weeks off and go back part time to get my counseling degree. So that was a few of the major concerns that I was able to have peace about, which leaves one big one.

I looked back on my life and I noticed a consistent relational pattern in my life. I found that in general I have a hard time finding people close to me who speak into my life positively. Whether it is friends, girlfriends, church leaders, or coworkers, I have a tendency to attract people who are negative or have unreal expectations. I have pretty healthy self-esteem, and I have always been comfortable with who I am, but it is never fun when you realize the person that you are associating with (friend, significant other, family, etc) takes you for granted, is careless with your feelings, or criticizes you when you are trying your best. In turn, when I am around this too much, it makes it harder for me to be positive. Thats why I took a break from writing, thats why I took a break from a lot of people: I did not want to spread that negativity.

I have learned that I can not control them or change them, but as an adult I can choose how much I am with them or how much they speak into my life. I can also tell someone when they are being rude, when they have unrealistic expectations, when I need a break from them, so on and so forth.

At certain stages of our lives, we can not control when we see someone or how much we see them, because you can not avoid classmates, coworkers, or sometimes family. What I have learned through my life is that I have to forgive them, and try be honest with them about what they did to me. The truth is that most hurting people do not know what they do, they just do it almost like a habit. They more than likely do not remember what they do, nor do they care, but you are the one left with damage. I can not change their actions, but I can make an effort to take the baggage that they placed in my trunk, and leave it behind so that it does not weigh me down. I also hope and pray that they heal, because they need it.

So I think the bottom line that I am trying to say is that when we think about Matthew 12:24 (from the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks), are we allowing life-giving people into our lives rather than negative life-taking people? I know that we can not avoid all negative people, but we must be careful to have people who will love us and have realistic standards. If we do not, then we will become exhausted.

That is where I was, because I wanted to pick up and start school again, I wanted to get a job using my degree, I wanted to be in ministry again, I wanted to be around friends more, and I wanted to date again, but I realized that I was still exhausted from previous situations and I was trying to run at full speed while my body was beat up still. My heart was tired, and my words came out tired. I tend to do that, and I am doing my best to avoid that.

The good thing is that I figured out that I was dealing with hurting people hurting people. With that in mind, I am able to move forward and know that I am doing my best and I am overcoming my troubles, and not take ownership of their problems. It stinks sometimes, but it helps me and I hope it helps those going through the same thing that I am.

So when we think of the impact this has on our heart, I would like to challenge you today to do four things:
1. Be mindful of what people close to you are giving you. It can take years sometimes to undo what people do to you, if it can be avoided- avoid it.
2. Be willing to make the change need be, and don't let someone take your joy. This is one thing that the devil wants to take from us, so protect it fiercely.
3. Rest if you need to. Do not wear yourself out if you are tired... but remember that you need to eventually get back in the game because you are needed out there.
4. Get healing if you need to. If you have a broken leg, it won't fix itself and it will make things worse. Broken people have a higher risk of breaking others... as Christians we must be careful with each others hearts and avoid breaking others.

Thank you again for your patience with me, and I am glad to be back!

Stopping for a While

To all who have kept up with me from time to time, thank you for reading. In light of a lot of things going on in my life, I am really starting to feel that it might be wise for me to step back for a while and not write. I have really enjoyed writing and talking with people about the different subjects, but I have started to notice that my messages are starting to get too painful and I do not want to be a wet blanket.

Nothing is life or death wrong, but I am dealing with a lot right now emotionally as I am trying to figure out the next stage of my life, work on my counseling degree, find a job, deal with ministry drama, health issues, try and fix the never ending problem with the Navy, and sort out my disillusionment towards something in my life.

Basically, I am trying to stay positive and struggling to do so. Matthew 12:24 says that from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. I have always been the type that wants to give life giving words to people. Anyone that knows me knows thats my heart. I am exhausted and can't do that right now. Mainly it is because I have been surrounded by too many negative people or negative events, and it is burning me out.

I hope to write again soon, and if you can think to pray for me that would be greatly appreciated! You can always email me, call me, or facebook message me as well, and we can talk further. Good bye for now!