A Picture of a Room/A Picture of a Heart

This week I was thinking about things to write about, and I asked God if there was anything worth writing about.  He brought me back to a conversation that I had with a friend that I never completed.  I wanted to say much more, but sometimes I just stop because I do not want to be the guy that rambles or says more than I have to.  I know that by my words I am acquitted or condemned, so I try to be as purposeful as possible.  In this case, saying more would have killed the tone of the conversation because the illustration was not complete in my mind.

A friend lost someone close, and I told them that it is okay to be dealing with it and that people heal at different paces.  No matter how long someone is in your life, they hold a place in your heart and that is okay to take your time to heal.  I told them not to feel guilty about the memories since they are allowed to happen, it is only when a memory stops someone’s progress that it is dangerous.   

As I was reliving this conversation, God reminded me of a picture of an empty room.  The room was painted a light pink color, and it was obviously lived in because there were nicks on the hard wood floor and walls, there were hash marks on the doorway, and the room felt like it was filled with memories.

What I believe God was reminding me of was that my heart is like a house.  People will come in and out of my life and I allow them to live there.  I only have so many rooms, but in each of them it is filled with friends, family, loved ones, jobs, ministries, etc.  Through my life, they come and spend time in my heart.

During that time, I will have a lot of great memories and I must cherish those and let them characterize those times of my life.  I must, however, learn to let go when it is time to let go so that other memories can happen with others that will move into the room.  If I try to force the person to stay in the room, it will hurt everyone.

Because I remember those positive memories, I must do my best not to force the new person to be like the last person or make them live up to expectations.  I must create new memories with each person in the room and allow them to be themselves unhindered by the history of the room.  Sometimes this means repainting and redecorating the room, but sometimes accommodations must be made.  Each person is unique, and they deserve to be treated as such.

Finally, I need to let people into that room, especially if it has been empty for a while.  If I try to close it off or keep it as a shrine to someone who has left, bad things will happen.  Whether it is decay, infestation, or smell, a room will not last if it is not used for its intended purpose…. To be lived in.  In the same way, if a heart is not occupied, it will go to waste.  This is why I have to let people into my heart.

So what I feel like someone needs to hear today is that it is okay to be sad that a room was left empty by someone or something.  You might want them to come back, and they might, but do not be afraid to let someone or something else move in.   Whether it’s a job, a person, a child, or a spouse, it can be scary because you never know what the new person will do in the room.  But if you never let them in, you will never know.  Remember, if they love you and care about you, they will take care of the room and do their best to fix it when they mess up it up.  Those are the right people and things to let into your heart.

In conclusion, when the nicks appear on the floor and the wall, deal with it and see it for what it is... fixable.  When the hash marks appear on the doorway, celebrate the time spent together and growing with one another.  Cherish the memories, because you never know when they will move out.  Though it hurts to let someone move out, it is better than never inviting them to move in and never having the chance to create memories together.  

  

My Crazy 24 Hours with God

When I went to bed last night, I was seriously considering writing some pretty drastic measures for this post.  I will not get into it on here, but lets just say I was going to make some life changing decisions that would impact every aspect of my existence.  I intended to write a post about coping with disappointment and trying to understand why God lets us have hopes only for them to disappear.  I will answer that at the end, but in a much more constructive fashion.  God taught me a lot in 24 hours, and I am going to share that story.

I was driving home from hanging out with my friends last night and I was pretty much at the end of myself.  I had lost most of my dreams and desires, and along with it, I lost 15 pounds in the past week and a half because I have been so stressed that I have not been able to finish a meal. 

With tears streaming down my face, I was yelling to God (not at God) about my life.  It seemed that everything that made me happy, hopeful, and encouraged had been taken away in the last month, and I was exhausted from the negativity that has sieged me.  I asked him what he wanted from me, and what did I have to hope for because nothing seemed to be going right.  Then he answered, and answered, and answered…

That night, I went to bed and had a dream that a friend that I had fallen out with texted me.  It was so lucid that I woke up and checked my phone.  No text, but I felt as if God told me that the friendship would be redeemed.

When I came to church, the first person I saw was one of my “spiritual moms.”  She gave me a big hug, and asked, “how’s my boy doing?” I remembered that I had a family and a church home that cares about me, and I smiled and told her, “I am doing better.”

The pastor taught his message, and he taught about being on the launch pad of life.  I am not quite where I am supposed to be, but I am waiting.  This reminded me that many people have told me that I am not far from my calling.  He also spoke about how the toughest storms bring the biggest miracles.  At this point, a miracle is needed, and I am hoping to see it soon!

Leaving the service, I spoke with my career coach.  I told him about how my plans fell apart, but I told him how doors were opening.  He reminded me that there is positive movement, and that I should be aggressive.

Shortly after, I spoke with a man who I met back in May when my life fell apart.  My first memory with him was him hugging me and praying for me while I was a broken mess trying to figure out my life.  I spoke with him briefly (I talk to him and hug him weekly), and he reminded me of the day that I met him.  He told me that God did great things then, and he will do it again!  It built my faith and reminded me that God is powerful.

After that, I sat at a table with a friend from my group and a lady that I met back in June.  She spent the time talking with the two of us encouraging us and sharing us stories from her life.   She told me that she expects to hear how God moves in my life, and that God knows the desires of my heart.

She reminded me that often times we think that we know better than God, and when we do that, that’s when things go haywire!  Instead, rest in the fact that God is in control.

The other main ideas that she told me was the importance of giving grace to people and loving bitter people.  In my life, I have struggled with grace.  I give it to others, but it seems that so many people are stingy with me with grace.  I seek forgiveness and peace, but others seem to disregard it and continue to hang on to the offense and batter me with words without freeing me of accidental wound that I inflicted.  This has forced me into a perfectionist mindset at times, because I find that when I mess up I deal with beating up myself and getting beat up by others.  So this word was definitely needed because it reminded me that my heart is in the right place.

The final detail that she shared was loving bitter people.  I find that bitter people usually try to steal my joy, and even after I forgive them, I still have to deal with the memory of their words.  This lady told me to just love them and pray that God redeems their joy.  I plan on doing exactly that!

The final person I ran into was the wife in a couple that has become part of my church family.  They spoke to me about what it means to be forgiving and understanding in relationships.  It was affirming to me because I realized that even though I have been accused of terrible things in the past, I realized that I lined up a lot more with what she was saying than what others were saying.  It was nice, and it gave me confidence in my ability to be a healthy husband one day. 

She also spoke with me about choosing the job that God wants, rather than the job that is available.  She also felt that the Holy Spirit was confirming that a specific job was in the works for me, so we shall see!!

I visited with friends for a bit, and they were awesome to me!  I received prayer, and I was reminded that I have true friends that see me for who I am and love me for who I am.  It was truly a blessing.

I wrapped up the day with the Young Adult Ministry.  The leader spoke about how our stories matter, and that our stories will empower others.  When I look at my life, I have been through some crazy stuff.  By no right should I be where I am at now.  I was reminded that my story needs to be told, and that is why I am sharing it tonight.

So back to the question at hand.  Why does God allow us to hope for something or having a “perfect situation”, and then take it away?  The first thing that I learned was that God is not always responsible for these troubles.  The sins of individuals often time interferes with the blessing given from God.  You might have the perfect job or significant other, but the jealousy, selfishness, or abuse of might ruin what should be an amazing situation.  That’s one way bad things happen.  Other times, you might have dodged a bullet and did not realize it.  You might have applied to an “ideal job”, only to find that the boss is unbearable and people are miserable at the job.  So in the end you are thankful for the fact that you did not receive the job.

The final conclusion that I came up with is that God likes to remind us that he knows the desires of our hearts, much like he did today.  He reminded me that he knows the needs of my heart and that he knows that I want a good job, a happy marriage, good health, and a life that will bless and inspire others.  I might not get all of these right away, but he reminds me enough that I know that I can be patient and trust him.  A lot has changed in 24 hours, and I hope that you can appreciate how God revealed himself to me today!

The War on Negativity

I normally do not write when I am feeling emotional about something, but I just realized a few minutes ago that this is something that needs to be heard… maybe someone needs to hear it right now, and that is why I am impulsively writing.  Today, I would like to suggest that you declare war on negativity in your life. 

The tongue has the power to give life or give death.  I was reflecting on the past year of my life, and I realized that negativity has been a cancer to me, and I know that it is a cancer to other people.   Today, I recommitted to changing that.

Within the past 24 hours, I found that I was praying against this topic on a few occasions.  A good friend of mine was feeling overwhelmed by the negativity in her life, so I prayed that she would find healthy life-giving friends that will support her.  Just like a pitcher of water, if it is never refilled, it becomes empty after pouring into others.  I prayed that positive people would pour into her (and that God would give me the strength to do that in her life as well) so that she would no longer feel dry.  Someone else I know has abandoned her faith and has become bitter and angry (and malicious towards me), and I cursed the spirits that bother her while praying that God restores her soul to a place of peace.  I need to intercede for her, because she has grown to love the bitterness.

These are just a few examples, but give it a try.  Take the time to pray for those around you and ask God to infuse a positive, life-giving spirit to them.  Ask God to do a new work in you as well.  I find that it can be tough to be positive all the time, but I ask God to search me and restore what has been taken from me.  It requires effort, but it is worth it.

Many years ago, I learned that I had to take on the enemy and take back what is mine by myself.  This meant confronting people who were wounding me and making amends with memories of when others have wounded me.  The truth is that it was relieving, it was not easy and can be a slow process, but it is relieving.  Just remember, that the pain you feel by doing that is much like setting a broken bone… it hurts for the moment, but it is better to have that short term pain than a lifetime of a problems with the broken bone.

Do you remember my backpack analogy from a few weeks ago?  It applies here too!  If you have a book bag filled with everyone else’s garbage, it weighs you down.  This is why you have to either dump those contents on the ground and keep walking, or give it back to the person who seems to like giving you their baggage.  Preferably, giving it back to the person is the best thing because it creates accountability with them so that they know that you will not let them weigh you down.

My hope is that you see this as a serious issue as well!  Whether you are a Christian or not, know that negativity is something that will not win you friends.  Most people do not wake up in the morning and say, “wow, I really want to hang out with the person that belittles me constantly and cuts down everyone behind their back!”  This is why we have to take a stand now, so that we do not become complacent with negativity.  Paul commands the Ephesian church in Ephesians 4:29 to not let any unwholesome talk come out of their mouths, but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Lets make having a life-giving heart one of our goals for the new year! 

Do I KNOW Jesus?

First off, Merry Christmas, my friends!  I hope that you have had an amazing Christmas season, and that you are blessed in every way possible!  Today, we celebrate the life of Jesus and what he has done for us.  We often think about his birth and his death, but not many people focus on the KNOWING aspect.  Today, I am celebrating knowing Jesus and I am thankful for what he has done and will do in my life!  Today, I wanted to spend time talking about knowing him, because I am finding that there is a lot of confusion at times.

Months ago, a friend posed this question to me: “What if I go through my entire life thinking that I am a Christian but I am truly deceived?  How would I know that?”  He referenced Matthew 7:21-23 in which Jesus is teaching about false prophets who claim to know God but really do not.  Jesus claims that those who think they do but really do not know God will be sent away.

This seems like a really harsh statement, but when we consider what it takes to know God, it is just like a relationship that you would have with a significant other/spouse…

Do I communicate with him?  Do I take the time to read the Bible and ask God to reveal new things to me?  When I do that, I am making a concerted effort to understand his will.  Do I pray to him and ask him to give me wisdom for my life?  By doing that, I understand his heart better.  If I never talk to my wife or I never take the time to get to know her, then I will lose the relationship.

Do I properly understand his grace?  I have heard a lot of people claim that God will always forgive us, but do I take that for granted?  If I were continually hurting my wife on purpose knowing that she will forgive me, something is out of whack.  When I love others, I always want to do what is best for them and I do not want to hurt them.  That attitude should be reciprocated, and it allows two people to love well knowing that we do not want to hurt each other.  One way I keep this in check is when I accidently hurt someone.  Do I feel remorse for it or do I shrug it off (or indulge in it, as some do)?  It bugs me to death when I hurt people, so that’s how I have known that my relationship with Christ is sound because it consciously bothers me.  This is why when I look at sinning, I realize that it hurts my relationship with God and I want to minimize it because I do not want to take advantage of his grace.

The opposite of receiving grace is giving grace.  When a conflict comes up with God, do remain slow to react as I try to understand his perspective or do I shut him out/give him silent treatment/throw a tantrum?  Lets face it, in relationships; I don’t always get my way.  My relationship with God is no different.  We must remember that if someone loves us, they will not willingly hurt us and we must be quick to forgive. 

Also, if I want the relationship with God to be one sided, how do I want my relationship with others to exist?  More than likely, one sided.  Jesus took care of himself, but he took care of others as well.  This is why I have to be others-minded as well.

If I am a disciple of Christ, then I will try to shape my image to his.  What is the image that I am bearing?  Jesus mentions in Matthew 7:16 that false teachers are exposed by their fruit.  So as a Christian leader, do I lack self control, have anger issues, am out for myself, have jealousy streaks, etc.?  Or do pursue love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?  Someone that is aspiring to be a loving Christian should be bearing fruit that is life giving.  Yes, we fail at times, but the over all pattern should be one that is benefiting others (Galatians 5:16-25).

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I wanted to set you up on the right path.  It can be tough to answer a question in it’s entirety, but I think that we learn a lot about our relationship with God and others by our communication, our love/grace for one another, how we handle conflicts, and how we live our life.  Again, I am totally blessed by you guys and am thankful that you read this.  My hope is that we can continue to grow together and to get to know Christ together.  Merry Christmas, and God bless you!

Overcoming Trials

As a Christian, one thing that I have learned is that we will face trials.  There are many teachers out there that claim that the holier that you are the easier your life is.  Ask the disciples of the early church who gave their lives for the sake of the cross, they will tell you differently.  They had trials.  That being said, today, I just want to spend some time encouraging those of you who are discouraged at the direction of your life and at the trials that you face.

James 1:2 reads that you should consider it joy when you face trials of any kind.  You are probably wondering, "how in the heck can I do that right now and why is he saying this?" He is writing to an audience that was being persecuted and systematically hunted for their faith during a time when Christianity was considered suspicious by Roman authorities.  My hope is that you can see that even though this was a message to the Israelites, this is still applicable to us.  If we can find the blessings and the positives when our situations are dire, we will find God's peace.  It also helps shape your perspective on what is important.

Even though we are still dealing with consequences of actions that are sinful, God still forgives us and good things can come out of our trials.  I have found in my own life that the trials that I have faced due to my sins have been easy to translate into stories that help others.  When you go through a trial and can help someone through that same problem, you have used an "undesirable" part your past as a way to bless someone else.  God does not waste those aspects of your life.  One of the best ways to do this is to fully overcome something, which requires perseverance.

James 1:3 mentions the development of perseverance.  As a whole, our society does not look highly upon pain.  Oftentimes we do what we can to mitigate it temporarily rather than trying to understand the source of the pain and make corrections in our life so that the pain will go away permanently.  This is why I want to ask you to take the time to understand the pains and the trials in your life and approach it constructively rather than trying to flee at the first sign of discomfort or placate it with "aspirin" (meaning anything that distracts you from dealing with the pain and gives a quick fix).

James 1:4 mentions that perseverance must finish its work, and that only then will the individual be mature and complete.  Sometimes this requires dealing with the harder issues in our life until it concludes, which can be frustrating, but at the same time it is worth it.  Just think, many people don't like to go to the doctor because they are afraid of what they might find.  What they forget is that if they find something fast enough, they could get healed and that bit of discomfort is worth the prevention of a terminal disease.  On another note, as we overcome trials, it makes it easier to overcome new trials that enter our lives.  In the process of overcoming, we gain wisdom to deal with many situations in life.

James 1:5 reminds you that you should ask for wisdom if you feel that you lack it, for he who earnestly asks shall receive God's wisdom.  One thing that I have always done that helps me overcome trials is to ask God for the reason that I am experiencing the trial, and then I ask him what I should be learning from it. Honesty is not always fun, but I feel better when I understand his perspective.  It will sometimes take time to figure out, but in the end I find that I feel better knowing that my trials are not in vain.

I have always enjoyed the book of James, and today I felt very strongly about sharing this with you.  I think that James starts out his book with a great plan for overcoming trials= Take joy in the circumstance, endure to it's finish, and ask God for his understanding.

As I wrap up, I feel impressed to give a more global view of Christianity.  I can not help but think about how Christianity thrives in areas of the world where it is persecuted.  Thousands of people come become Christians daily in China even though it is outlawed.  These are people who are giving everything for their faith, and yet they do it willingly!  This not only shows me that God does not make life magically comfortable, but this shows me that God will comfort us and guide us during the darkest of hours and that we will find peace during our trials.

I also want to remind you that when you are facing a trial, please do not shut down.  I have seen so many people say, "Well I would love to do that, but I am just going through a tough time right now."  There are some circumstances where you absolutely have to for a short period of time, but please do not stay comfortable there not doing anything.  The problem is that we will always have tough times.  If we wait for the perfect time for anything (job, marriage, buying a house, etc.) we will be waiting for a very long time!  Don't let those trials stop you from finding God's blessing!

Also, stopping for a trial can withhold a blessing for someone else.  I can remember someone telling me to step down from a teaching position when I was going through a rough time.  I knew that I was, but I continued to teach because I knew that if I stepped down that it meant that someone would lose out on a blessing because I was not using my gift to help them.   People have also told me not to use my ability to teach because of my former struggle with speech. I know that I am not the best orator or teacher, but I know that if I let those excuses stop me, I will be hurting others because of it.  Needless to say, I over came those problems and I am NOT looking back at that and letting it stop me from reaching God's goal for my life.  So please know that if you stop what you are doing, you are stopping people from receiving God's blessing in their life.

I want to close by reminding you to give praise to God when you go through trials.  As Peter was locked in Jail in Acts, he was praising God.  As Paul was enduring hardships, he was praising God and focusing on his mission.  As David was depressed in Psalm 42, he was praising God for past successes and praising him for getting him out of his trial.  Never forget to praise God and remember that he has and he will get you through your trials.

Avoid, Alter, Adapt, Accept

I am going to start by saying that the past two weeks have been very heavy weeks for me, not bad, just heavy.  Between my workload for finals, job hunts, the holidays, an old friend passing away, and other disappointments, it has been a long two weeks!  But I feel at peace about everything.

I have been teaching a stress management class at church (part of my school workload), and I found that part of my lesson is very helpful as I sort out my life.  I find it very interesting that I am teaching the class, but sometimes I feel as if it is teaching me!  Just comes to show that God can work through many avenues to reach you!

It is called the 4 A’s… Avoid, Alter, Adapt, and Accept.  This is how it has been working for me…

Avoid: Not all fights are worth fighting, and sometimes the best confrontation is one that you never put yourself in the place to be in.  I am also constantly reminded that avoiding excessive time with certain people is wise.  A more recent adaptation of avoidance is knowing that just because I CAN do something, does not mean that I SHOULD do something.  Saying no to friendships, relationships, jobs, and ministry opportunities is rough, but I want to do God’s will.

Alter:  Sometimes a situation is unavoidable, but not pleasant.  This is when we must have boundaries in place with anyone who violates them.  I do my best to do it with grace and love.  A key here is knowing what is worth altering and when it is appropriate to do so.

Adapt:  Instead of seeing everything that is negative as life taking, reframe the opportunities as something that could be beneficial.  Remember the positives and glean those, while dispensing the negative before it eats at your soul.  For me, a simple thing that I do is remain thankful for the time that I have with people and make the best of the moments that I have with them rather than complaining about the time that I wish I could be with them. 

Accept: Certain things from the past cannot be changed, but I can change my reaction.  Otherwise, I find that the bitterness that is held onto is toxic.  We never want to let that happen because it poisons everyone.  Think of it like a book bag… I have all of these books, but they do not all belong to me.  It is important to know where the books came from and give them back because otherwise it makes my journey all the more heavier… and the weight of the bag is my concern and responsibility.

I have been making it a point this year to let go of those things that are not in my control.  I can not take responsibility for other people’s actions or their desires, but I can control mine.

One of the hardest things for me is letting things and people go because there are histories and I honestly care about people.  But sometimes I have to or else they will continue to steal what God has given me, and I cannot have that.  Sometimes I may want to either keep or start a friendship, job, position, or a relationship, but either it is not the right one, they chose differently, or it is not the right time.   It can be frustrating, but I have to accept that, and trust that God either knows the right timing or knows that it is not the right situation for me.  It’s tough, but I am confident that God has his best for me!

Anyway, so that is how God has been using what I have been learning and allowing me to teach on it.  I have been trying to implement these in my life, and I thought that it was really beneficial to share.  I hope that you like it as well =)