Over the past few years, I have come to the realization that there are Christians out there that are more interested in building their own kingdom rather than building God's Kingdom alongside God. For me, that is a danger that I have to be very conscious of as I am hunting for a church/denomination to be a part of. Am I joining the church because I want to come along side them in their mission, or am I doing it to build my own legacy?
I am saying this today because I realize that I am not the only person that is trying to keep balance of living my calling but trying to make a living at the same time. One of the dangers that I have learned is that when most people are discontent with their circumstances, they think that they can do it better than God. Often with good intentions, they decide to pursue a path that will be beneficial to both God and themselves. In their hubris, they often times create a bigger mess of things and hurt themselves and others because ultimately their approach is tainted by desire.
For me, the reoccurring themes that prospective ministries have given me in the past is that I am not qualified or that my ideas are not welcomed. This is tough for me, because I have seen what happens when people try to put their goals ahead of God. I have heard the song before, and doesn't end well. For me, I have found that it is important for me not to become bitter about the circumstance and trust two things: God will intercede to make sure his will is done, and that God will provide for me.
Even though it bothers me to not be allowed to do something or get my ideas dismissed by the person over me, I have to realize that the blood is on their hands, not mine. If I have an idea that is meant to further God's kingdom and I feel that God gave me the idea to give to them but they refute it due to their ego, then the blood is on their hands. I have to realize that it is an idea, nothing more. If I try to force my idea through or sneak it around, I have to ask myself if I am making that idea an idol and if I am trying to further my kingdom. Maybe it was my job to plant the seed for later on, I will never know.
The second aspect is knowing that God will provide for me. Often times when people feel desperate, they resort to desperate measures that cause worse consequences. This is why I am doing my best to wait patiently on direction rather than frantically committing to something that I might regret later. This is because I am trying to create my own kingdom, not helping God build his.
My hope is that as the horizons of my ministry search begin to expand, that I will be careful so that a few things don't happen...
That I love my ideas too much, and in the process rule out other people's suggestions.
That I become more concerned about popularity than people, because ministry is about caring for people... not lining my pockets or boosting my ego. Jesus was not always popular, and he was willing to do what was right instead.
That I forget to love God, others, and myself well. I must remember that God has given me the ability to do what I do, and he can take it away if he so pleases... I am a vessel.
That I do not become bitter over past treatment/mistreatment. The only person that I hurt is myself, which is why I have to learn to let go and move on before it turns to vengeance.
That I do not forget my calling. Often times, when people think that they can build their own kingdom, they forget that they have a specific calling and try to take on too much. I have to remember to live within the grace that God has given me, not outside of it.
I would like to close by reminding you that yes, God will give us what we desire, but we have to seek it in according to his will (1 John 5:14). It is "thy kingdom come, thy will be done"... not thy kingdom come, my will be done! So if you feel in a rut this week, I would like challenge you to ask the Lord to be a part in building his kingdom and to ask for direction to get there. It might not be what you expect, but I know that the peace of God will be there. Remember, that we are trying to build something great here with God, so lets do it well. Lets do it together.
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