So I was debating not talking about this, but I figured what the heck I have nothing to lose at this point. I learned a very harsh lesson this week that is frustrating, but I am honestly at fault.
Anyone that knows me knows that I honestly seek relationship with God and with others and do my best to live a life like Christ. This means actually being like Christ, and not just being "Christian." Part of being like Christ requires me to be in peoples lives and go where they go. Sometimes that means going places that you really don't want to go. Going to a tax collectors house was an abomination in the eyes of the Pharisees, but Jesus did it anyway because he loved the tax collectors.
So the other night, I went to the dollar theatre to spend time with a friend that I have not seen in a week or two. Being that I had free time between then and an evening commitment, I decided to accept the invitation not knowing when I would see him next. I really did not care about the movie, I would not have seen it otherwise, but since it was a dollar and it meant spending time with him, I went. To avoid sounding like I am rationalizing my actions, aside from the violence and some cursing, there was nothing that gave me red flags.
Bottom line, it got back to the wrong people at the last minute and now I have "character concerns" that cancelled my ordination interview. Talk about good intentions that went bad. I don't want to vent or sound like I am trying to complain, instead I want you to learn from my mistake. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I paid for it. Even if I get my interview, now too many people have a tainted view of my character and think that I have a steady diet of those type of movies, which I don't. These are impressions that will not go away.
1 Timothy 3 talks about the qualities of an "overseer", and I think it is significant to know that they are supposed to remain above reproach. No, you should not be sitting on an ivory tower thumbing your nose at people, but also you need to be careful that you do not give others ammunition to damage the reputation of you or other Christians. This is tough because some people will look for those opportunities and make them no matter what, so disregard their words because they want to find that fault. Be concerned about the others that you could leave impressions on.
As I always tell those in my care, even if there is no one looking to disprove you, there will be people looking up to you. This is why it is important to set a good example for people. Will we be perfect? No. But people who know our hearts know that we are trying our best but we fail. There is grace for that. Just don't make the mistake of creating a bad habit that is destructive to yourself and to others.
In closing, be careful about how you conduct your life. Do it whole heartedly and honestly live the life because you want to, don't just do it to pass the test and look good. People who cram for the test always lose what they learned, and it fails to help them in their careers. It is the same way in life, if we cram and use our knowledge only for the test, we are missing the point of why we are learning and being tested. It is for our future and to benefit others. When we align our hearts with Christ's, we strive to live a life of love. So lets be wise, and not give room for people to convict us.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Peace During the Storm
In Luke 8:22-25, Luke recalls the story of Jesus and the disciples getting caught in a squall while they were out on the boat. During all of this perceived chaos, Jesus was asleep. The disciples woke him, and then Jesus promptly calmed the storm down and rebuked his disciples for lacking faith.
This is a story that can drive a lot of people crazy because they want Jesus to be awake calming his disciples down or stopping the storm from ever happening in the first place. A lot of people seriously think that God's sole purpose is to take care of us so that we can have safe and comfortable lives. That is far from true. While the disciples were in a very unenviable position and more than likely uncomfortable, they were faced with the question: why is Jesus allowing us to be uncomfortable while he is sleeping through this terrible storm?
Are you ever wondering that? I have been. I remember as a young Christian being told that blessings and punishments were due to obedience, and that if things were going wrong usually that meant that I was not doing something right. I wanted to be comfortable, so I tried to be more "obedient" only to find that it often times led to more turmoil.
What I have noticed in this story about the storm is that while it was probably cold, wet, tense, and bleak, they learned that Jesus can control the storm. If they were never in that uncomfortable place, they would have never known that detail about Jesus. They also learned in this story that with Jesus in control, they did not need to panic and that they can be at peace in the storm much like their teacher was.
Yes, this concept is easier said than done, that is why it is something that I have had to remind myself constantly. If anyone knows about the past year for me, you know that I have been tried in multiple facets of my life. I finally feel like I am getting answers in some of the areas, but others are still as clear as mud. The problem for me is that I think I know where it is that he is sending me, but I think he is leading me into the eye of the storm rather than the greener pastures that I see others going to.
So this is where I stand today, half of me is calm and ready to go, the other half is muttering Psalm 91 reminding myself that he will protect me from whatever is let out of the cage. So yes, I am a work in progress, but ultimately I have been through enough storms to know that God will get me through it. I also know that nobody builds muscle without the tension of exercise. Nor do we grow without the tension of life. If you ask me, I would much rather listen to someone who has been through a few storms than someone who has never seen one and talks about it in theory rather than from the heart.
In closing, do not fear the storms. No, they may not be fun, but in the end, you benefit from them.
This is a story that can drive a lot of people crazy because they want Jesus to be awake calming his disciples down or stopping the storm from ever happening in the first place. A lot of people seriously think that God's sole purpose is to take care of us so that we can have safe and comfortable lives. That is far from true. While the disciples were in a very unenviable position and more than likely uncomfortable, they were faced with the question: why is Jesus allowing us to be uncomfortable while he is sleeping through this terrible storm?
Are you ever wondering that? I have been. I remember as a young Christian being told that blessings and punishments were due to obedience, and that if things were going wrong usually that meant that I was not doing something right. I wanted to be comfortable, so I tried to be more "obedient" only to find that it often times led to more turmoil.
What I have noticed in this story about the storm is that while it was probably cold, wet, tense, and bleak, they learned that Jesus can control the storm. If they were never in that uncomfortable place, they would have never known that detail about Jesus. They also learned in this story that with Jesus in control, they did not need to panic and that they can be at peace in the storm much like their teacher was.
Yes, this concept is easier said than done, that is why it is something that I have had to remind myself constantly. If anyone knows about the past year for me, you know that I have been tried in multiple facets of my life. I finally feel like I am getting answers in some of the areas, but others are still as clear as mud. The problem for me is that I think I know where it is that he is sending me, but I think he is leading me into the eye of the storm rather than the greener pastures that I see others going to.
So this is where I stand today, half of me is calm and ready to go, the other half is muttering Psalm 91 reminding myself that he will protect me from whatever is let out of the cage. So yes, I am a work in progress, but ultimately I have been through enough storms to know that God will get me through it. I also know that nobody builds muscle without the tension of exercise. Nor do we grow without the tension of life. If you ask me, I would much rather listen to someone who has been through a few storms than someone who has never seen one and talks about it in theory rather than from the heart.
In closing, do not fear the storms. No, they may not be fun, but in the end, you benefit from them.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Confronting isms
So this weekend I had an interesting run in. I had to confront the same person on two different forms of stereotyping: gender and racist stereotypes. After being called a "typical man" for not organizing something the way she would do it, and she expected me to sit listen to her rant and stereotype white men. I went home very annoyed. I also began to realize that these have been huge issues for the church for years, and that it will continue to be a problem if we do not learn to forgive one another.
For those that know me well, you know that I respect women and I do not subdue or mistreat them. However, I have noticed that I meet a lot of women who have been mistreated by men, and then bad mouth or talk down to me like I am one of those that mistreated them. If I were completely selfish, I would get upset about it and stereotype women negatively. However, I am not that person. Instead, I realize that there is probably a good reason that they are upset with men, and try to tell them to mark that message as "return to sender." With the amount of churches that support a suppressive stance on women, it makes sense that women do not tolerate the chauvinistic mindset (rightfully so). The problem comes about when you assume that everyone is going to be that way, and then voice that opinion for everyone to hear. Consequently, you miss out on individuals that can be very influential in your life. Hurt people tend to do that, and that can be dangerous.
1 Corinthians demonstrates a lot of issues with the subject of women (1 Corinthians 11:3-10, 14:33-35). The problem is that when the verses written concerning women are read without context, it looks terribly sexist. In turn, certain men subject women unfairly because they think that they can, and that creates resentment. After resentment, anger will surface and it will be redirected. The problem is that when the person takes their anger out on every one who fits the profile rather than the specific person or people at fault, it creates hurt in a fairly innocent person and perpetuates the cycle.
I use this example to show how resentment is formed. This can happen with gender, age, race, denomination, ethnicity, gifting, and social class. If we are not careful, we will continue to inflict wounds onto each other by perpetuating other people's hurt. As Christians, we are called to be a house united, not a house divided. The Corinthians got rebuked for creating divisions in their church, and we should learn from their mistakes. In response, there are two things that we must do to stop allowing these divisions:
1. Forgive others. The problem is that hurt people hurt people. If we take their hurt and take it out on the wrong person, then we are just as bad as those that hurt us. We can not allow that to happen.
2. Change the Paradigm. We as leaders need to make sure that people know that it is unacceptable to view others as below you in any fashion. Your heart speaks for you, and if our hearts are pure, then we will inspire others to be more accepting and healthy.
In closing, I hope this does not come off as some campy heal the world type of message. Instead, I am hoping that it helps us realize that when we act out on stereotypes instead of viewing people as individuals, we hurt a lot of people instead of helping them. Christ did not do that, and neither should we.
Dating tip to my single friends out there (having to do with isms)... if you are making man-hating/woman-hating comments or bashing your exes, don't act surprised if you are single. It's super unattractive, and the only people that will be with you have absolutely no self-esteem... which will lead you to complain anyway! It starts in your heart. Think and act positively about people and look for ways to bless them, rather than feeling entitled. But be wise about who you give your heart to, forgive those who unintentionally hurt you because they honestly do not mean it. Forgive those who intentionally hurt you because you do not want their baggage weighing you down the rest of your life.... and have good boundaries about those type of people. But in order to avoid the pain and bitterness of isms... we must learn to forgive.
For those that know me well, you know that I respect women and I do not subdue or mistreat them. However, I have noticed that I meet a lot of women who have been mistreated by men, and then bad mouth or talk down to me like I am one of those that mistreated them. If I were completely selfish, I would get upset about it and stereotype women negatively. However, I am not that person. Instead, I realize that there is probably a good reason that they are upset with men, and try to tell them to mark that message as "return to sender." With the amount of churches that support a suppressive stance on women, it makes sense that women do not tolerate the chauvinistic mindset (rightfully so). The problem comes about when you assume that everyone is going to be that way, and then voice that opinion for everyone to hear. Consequently, you miss out on individuals that can be very influential in your life. Hurt people tend to do that, and that can be dangerous.
1 Corinthians demonstrates a lot of issues with the subject of women (1 Corinthians 11:3-10, 14:33-35). The problem is that when the verses written concerning women are read without context, it looks terribly sexist. In turn, certain men subject women unfairly because they think that they can, and that creates resentment. After resentment, anger will surface and it will be redirected. The problem is that when the person takes their anger out on every one who fits the profile rather than the specific person or people at fault, it creates hurt in a fairly innocent person and perpetuates the cycle.
I use this example to show how resentment is formed. This can happen with gender, age, race, denomination, ethnicity, gifting, and social class. If we are not careful, we will continue to inflict wounds onto each other by perpetuating other people's hurt. As Christians, we are called to be a house united, not a house divided. The Corinthians got rebuked for creating divisions in their church, and we should learn from their mistakes. In response, there are two things that we must do to stop allowing these divisions:
1. Forgive others. The problem is that hurt people hurt people. If we take their hurt and take it out on the wrong person, then we are just as bad as those that hurt us. We can not allow that to happen.
2. Change the Paradigm. We as leaders need to make sure that people know that it is unacceptable to view others as below you in any fashion. Your heart speaks for you, and if our hearts are pure, then we will inspire others to be more accepting and healthy.
In closing, I hope this does not come off as some campy heal the world type of message. Instead, I am hoping that it helps us realize that when we act out on stereotypes instead of viewing people as individuals, we hurt a lot of people instead of helping them. Christ did not do that, and neither should we.
Dating tip to my single friends out there (having to do with isms)... if you are making man-hating/woman-hating comments or bashing your exes, don't act surprised if you are single. It's super unattractive, and the only people that will be with you have absolutely no self-esteem... which will lead you to complain anyway! It starts in your heart. Think and act positively about people and look for ways to bless them, rather than feeling entitled. But be wise about who you give your heart to, forgive those who unintentionally hurt you because they honestly do not mean it. Forgive those who intentionally hurt you because you do not want their baggage weighing you down the rest of your life.... and have good boundaries about those type of people. But in order to avoid the pain and bitterness of isms... we must learn to forgive.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
What do I ask for?
When I think about my life, I am generally okay with it. Yes, I am still looking for a job using my degree. Yes, I am still dealing with sins of other people against me. Yes, I am still dealing with medical problems. Yes, I am still dealing with disillusionment. But you know what? It’s okay. Why? Because God is still getting me through. Is that cliché? Maybe. But at the end of the day, am I overly disappointed with my life? No.
When we look at what Jesus has to say about prayer, this is what he says in Matthew 6:9-13.
This, then, is how you should pray:
Our father in heaven,
Hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
So what does this say to me? A few things.
1. God, you are holy. In laymen’s terms, God, you are loving and just. You are sovereign. Here is one thing that we tend to forget: We work for God, he does not work for us! Yes, he wants to bless us, but ultimately, he is in control.
2. Help my will become your will. Yes, we can have our own desires, but at the end of the day are we seeking God and what is best for us and what is best for others?
3. Please provide for me today. Luke 12 talks about not worrying about what tomorrow may bring, but instead being confident that the Lord will provide for that day. This means that we still have to go out and act, but waiting for manna to fall from the sky is unrealistic.
4. Help me forgive others, and please forgive me. 1 Cor 13 talks about love, and what is important about love is not keeping a record of right and wrong. Yes, we should be careful and prudent with our hearts, but we should be willing to let go of the pain others cause us.
5. Help me desire what is good and stray from what is bad. I find that when I seek my own path, bad things happen. But when I try to move with the rhythm of God's beat, things go better, not smoothly or happily, but they go better.
When I read these, I begin to realize that I can be very demanding of God sometime. I can expect him to heal me of this, or give me that, but at the end of the day he does not feel obligated to give me everything I want. I can ask, but I must have the heart of “If he gives me that, then great, it is a blessing. But if not, I will be patient and understanding with his will. Help me understand your will”
This has also helped remind me to keep my prayers simple. In Matthew 6:5-8, Jesus tells his disciples (broad sense of “disciples”, not his 12) to avoid wordy and showy prayers, but instead to be humble and contrite. In all honesty, I have been guilty in the past of giving showy prayers knowing that it was the “currency” of the group that I was with. I realized quickly that I should not seek their fleeting approval, instead focus on giving prayers that are meaningful and help meet a person’s need rather than just making them feel entertained by the prayer.
One of the things that I have come to realize is that often times people do superficial things to fit in. But if you honestly love someone and care about them, it shows through and they will realize that and like you for that. I challenge you this week to think about the Lord's prayer, take it in word for word rather than read it like a rehearsed prayer. HAVE AN AWESOME WEEK!
When we look at what Jesus has to say about prayer, this is what he says in Matthew 6:9-13.
This, then, is how you should pray:
Our father in heaven,
Hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
So what does this say to me? A few things.
1. God, you are holy. In laymen’s terms, God, you are loving and just. You are sovereign. Here is one thing that we tend to forget: We work for God, he does not work for us! Yes, he wants to bless us, but ultimately, he is in control.
2. Help my will become your will. Yes, we can have our own desires, but at the end of the day are we seeking God and what is best for us and what is best for others?
3. Please provide for me today. Luke 12 talks about not worrying about what tomorrow may bring, but instead being confident that the Lord will provide for that day. This means that we still have to go out and act, but waiting for manna to fall from the sky is unrealistic.
4. Help me forgive others, and please forgive me. 1 Cor 13 talks about love, and what is important about love is not keeping a record of right and wrong. Yes, we should be careful and prudent with our hearts, but we should be willing to let go of the pain others cause us.
5. Help me desire what is good and stray from what is bad. I find that when I seek my own path, bad things happen. But when I try to move with the rhythm of God's beat, things go better, not smoothly or happily, but they go better.
When I read these, I begin to realize that I can be very demanding of God sometime. I can expect him to heal me of this, or give me that, but at the end of the day he does not feel obligated to give me everything I want. I can ask, but I must have the heart of “If he gives me that, then great, it is a blessing. But if not, I will be patient and understanding with his will. Help me understand your will”
This has also helped remind me to keep my prayers simple. In Matthew 6:5-8, Jesus tells his disciples (broad sense of “disciples”, not his 12) to avoid wordy and showy prayers, but instead to be humble and contrite. In all honesty, I have been guilty in the past of giving showy prayers knowing that it was the “currency” of the group that I was with. I realized quickly that I should not seek their fleeting approval, instead focus on giving prayers that are meaningful and help meet a person’s need rather than just making them feel entertained by the prayer.
One of the things that I have come to realize is that often times people do superficial things to fit in. But if you honestly love someone and care about them, it shows through and they will realize that and like you for that. I challenge you this week to think about the Lord's prayer, take it in word for word rather than read it like a rehearsed prayer. HAVE AN AWESOME WEEK!
Pre-VDay Post
I was actually going to post on something different this week, but I had this interesting idea to get some information out there before you enter the Valentines Day season. So, for all my single friends, I created a list basing it off of 1 Corinthians 13... yeah, I know, it gets beat into the ground but hopefully this will be helpful! Without further adieu, hopefully this helps you with your adventure.
Love is Patient... Is the guy or gal patient with you? Does he or she try to rush you into a decision rather than giving you time and space to think? Is he or she trying to make you do something that you do not want to do or not ready to do? Patience is the first quality mentioned, and I think it is one of the most important qualities in a relationship. You have to wonder why they are in a hurry... just food for thought!
Love is kind... There is one reason that I would hate to be a praying mantis... because once I find the girl of my dreams and start a family, she literally bites my head off and eats me! Not very kind. So is the person you are with kind to you? Or do they make jokes ABOUT you, make snide remarks all the time, or get mad at you over every little decision? Paul calls us to be kind to one another, and if you are looking a relationship with a broken person who is negative and hurtful because of what others have done, you might want to pass and invest in a healthy person.
Love does not envy... In relationships, we should want to share with one another. If someone only wants to take what is yours or if they are jealous of what you have, it could be problematic! We should always be happy for what other people have been blessed with. Find someone who encourages you to be your best, rather than someone who has to be the best at everything.
Love does not boast... Nobody likes a show off. Yes, they are entertaining at times, but not the type that you want a lasting friendship or relationship with. Instead, finding someone who is content and secure in themselves will save you a lot of frustration. Once the boasting ends, they require you to validate them. Instead, find a humble person who is content with life.
love is not conceited... Having a healthy sense of self esteem is admirable. In fact, it is a great quality to have since they are well aware of their abilities. However, some people over estimate their value to society. If you meet one of these people, you might want to buy them a mirror to date instead... the mirror won't get frustrated with the excessive self compliments. Instead, find someone who has healthy self-standards and has healthy boundaries.
love does not dishonor others... Much like I said before about kindness, try to avoid someone who runs you down. Conversely, someone who gives too much praise should be avoided since flattering and not being lovingly honest leads to negative results. The trick here is finding someone who has a healthy perspective of you, does not worship you but does not belittle you. One who loves you for who you are.
Love is not selfish... Guys and Girls can both be selfish. That being said, as soon as someone starts demanding things out of you, start thinking about your other options. Especially if the person wants to do nothing in return for you. Somewhere along the line, the words "deserve" and "expect" replaced the words "please" and "thank you". Even if the person thanks you for things that you do for them, be wary of their inability to return the favor and do something nice for you just because they want to. Relationships are reciprocal, princes and divas are not.
Love is not easily angered... There is a time and place for anger. Much like pain, anger is a reminder that there is something not right in your heart. The difference is righteous anger vs. petty anger. If the person gets mad because of injustice, thats one thing. But if they are mad and men or women and displace their anger, thats a whole other issue. Be angered by the right things, and find someone who will be as well.
Love does not keep a record of right and wrong... Finding a balance between healthy boundaries and fault finding is crucial here. If the person has a tendency to commit certain sins against you, then it is okay to keep healthy boundaries. But if the person can not let go of an isolated incident when you lost your cool and still holds it against you, that is not healthy. Notice the difference... healthy is keeping yourself safe from a negative pattern. Unhealthy is holding a grudge over an isolated incident and nagging the person about it.
Love does not delight in evil... Prozac may help... or, a lobotomy. Hurt people hurt people, they are not fun to be around. Just remember that every relationship you are in impacts your heart and you carry that into the next relationship. Someone who is vindictive does not need to be in a relationship until their heart is healed and they stop hurting others.
Love rejoices in the truth... Honesty is the best policy. This is not to say bulldoze the person with the truth. There are more tactful ways to give the truth. Instead of telling someone that you think that their outfit is ugly, if you tell them that it is not your favorite of their outfits and say which style you prefer and why, it is honest and constructive but not hurtful. Truth can build people up and build trust. Outside of that, it is sort of confusing when you find out that the person that you were dating was being a chameleon to gain your favor. This situation rarely turns out well, but honesty becomes evident over time. Seek truth.
love protects.... I read a book once on a friends recommendation that talked about dating. It described being in a relationship like holding the other person's heart. If the person wanted to hurt you, it was not hard to do. But if they wanted to protect you, they could easily do that as well. So when you chose someone to date, make sure they chose to keep your heart safe rather than being reckless with it. Nothing is worse than not having a home front that you feel safe at because you are being attacked from all sides. Also, are they consistent and caring or do they jump from person to person leaving a trail of confused people behind after leaving mixed signals? Guard your heart, and chose someone who will help you do that.
Love trusts... Similar to the last point discussed, if your heart is going to be in the hands of another person, you may want to make sure that they are a good person! I choose "good" over "safe" because safe often times means that the person won't be truthful but instead do what it takes to keep the peace. Someone who is trustworthy will be honest and loving, look for that rather than someone who just tickles your ear.
Love hopes for the best... hmm... optimism. A rare quality at times. But in a world that can be frustratingly bleak, it is good to be in a place where the person you care about the most is encouraging you and looking for the best, rather than bringing you down and bracing for the worst all of the time. They usually claim it is being realistic, being cautious, or being conscious of the future, but a lot of times it is straight up hurtful and pessimistic. Optimism is not naive, instead it looks, hopes, and works towards the best.
Love preservers... When the going gets tough, where is the person that you are dating? Are they along side you ready to fight, or are they running quickly towards the door? The idea of working hard for something good and being patient for a blessing is a foreign concept to my generation. Instead, it is a microwave society. But remember, that sometimes the slow cooked meal requires more work but it is healthier and better for you in the long run. Find people who are willing to wait along side you through the storms.
So thats about it. There are other things that I think about concerning relationships, but I think they are obvious and work themselves out in the wash.
In conclusion, if you really want to get a good assessment of yourself, look through the verses and substitute your name for "love" or "it". Its a fun little exercise I tell people to do so that they can seek a Christ like walk. For instance... "Jason is patient, Jason is kind, He does not envy, he does not boast..." It was humbling the first time I did it, but it keeps me in perspective, and hopefully it will do the same for you.
Thank you for reading this, and be safe out there and guard your heart!
Love is Patient... Is the guy or gal patient with you? Does he or she try to rush you into a decision rather than giving you time and space to think? Is he or she trying to make you do something that you do not want to do or not ready to do? Patience is the first quality mentioned, and I think it is one of the most important qualities in a relationship. You have to wonder why they are in a hurry... just food for thought!
Love is kind... There is one reason that I would hate to be a praying mantis... because once I find the girl of my dreams and start a family, she literally bites my head off and eats me! Not very kind. So is the person you are with kind to you? Or do they make jokes ABOUT you, make snide remarks all the time, or get mad at you over every little decision? Paul calls us to be kind to one another, and if you are looking a relationship with a broken person who is negative and hurtful because of what others have done, you might want to pass and invest in a healthy person.
Love does not envy... In relationships, we should want to share with one another. If someone only wants to take what is yours or if they are jealous of what you have, it could be problematic! We should always be happy for what other people have been blessed with. Find someone who encourages you to be your best, rather than someone who has to be the best at everything.
Love does not boast... Nobody likes a show off. Yes, they are entertaining at times, but not the type that you want a lasting friendship or relationship with. Instead, finding someone who is content and secure in themselves will save you a lot of frustration. Once the boasting ends, they require you to validate them. Instead, find a humble person who is content with life.
love is not conceited... Having a healthy sense of self esteem is admirable. In fact, it is a great quality to have since they are well aware of their abilities. However, some people over estimate their value to society. If you meet one of these people, you might want to buy them a mirror to date instead... the mirror won't get frustrated with the excessive self compliments. Instead, find someone who has healthy self-standards and has healthy boundaries.
love does not dishonor others... Much like I said before about kindness, try to avoid someone who runs you down. Conversely, someone who gives too much praise should be avoided since flattering and not being lovingly honest leads to negative results. The trick here is finding someone who has a healthy perspective of you, does not worship you but does not belittle you. One who loves you for who you are.
Love is not selfish... Guys and Girls can both be selfish. That being said, as soon as someone starts demanding things out of you, start thinking about your other options. Especially if the person wants to do nothing in return for you. Somewhere along the line, the words "deserve" and "expect" replaced the words "please" and "thank you". Even if the person thanks you for things that you do for them, be wary of their inability to return the favor and do something nice for you just because they want to. Relationships are reciprocal, princes and divas are not.
Love is not easily angered... There is a time and place for anger. Much like pain, anger is a reminder that there is something not right in your heart. The difference is righteous anger vs. petty anger. If the person gets mad because of injustice, thats one thing. But if they are mad and men or women and displace their anger, thats a whole other issue. Be angered by the right things, and find someone who will be as well.
Love does not keep a record of right and wrong... Finding a balance between healthy boundaries and fault finding is crucial here. If the person has a tendency to commit certain sins against you, then it is okay to keep healthy boundaries. But if the person can not let go of an isolated incident when you lost your cool and still holds it against you, that is not healthy. Notice the difference... healthy is keeping yourself safe from a negative pattern. Unhealthy is holding a grudge over an isolated incident and nagging the person about it.
Love does not delight in evil... Prozac may help... or, a lobotomy. Hurt people hurt people, they are not fun to be around. Just remember that every relationship you are in impacts your heart and you carry that into the next relationship. Someone who is vindictive does not need to be in a relationship until their heart is healed and they stop hurting others.
Love rejoices in the truth... Honesty is the best policy. This is not to say bulldoze the person with the truth. There are more tactful ways to give the truth. Instead of telling someone that you think that their outfit is ugly, if you tell them that it is not your favorite of their outfits and say which style you prefer and why, it is honest and constructive but not hurtful. Truth can build people up and build trust. Outside of that, it is sort of confusing when you find out that the person that you were dating was being a chameleon to gain your favor. This situation rarely turns out well, but honesty becomes evident over time. Seek truth.
love protects.... I read a book once on a friends recommendation that talked about dating. It described being in a relationship like holding the other person's heart. If the person wanted to hurt you, it was not hard to do. But if they wanted to protect you, they could easily do that as well. So when you chose someone to date, make sure they chose to keep your heart safe rather than being reckless with it. Nothing is worse than not having a home front that you feel safe at because you are being attacked from all sides. Also, are they consistent and caring or do they jump from person to person leaving a trail of confused people behind after leaving mixed signals? Guard your heart, and chose someone who will help you do that.
Love trusts... Similar to the last point discussed, if your heart is going to be in the hands of another person, you may want to make sure that they are a good person! I choose "good" over "safe" because safe often times means that the person won't be truthful but instead do what it takes to keep the peace. Someone who is trustworthy will be honest and loving, look for that rather than someone who just tickles your ear.
Love hopes for the best... hmm... optimism. A rare quality at times. But in a world that can be frustratingly bleak, it is good to be in a place where the person you care about the most is encouraging you and looking for the best, rather than bringing you down and bracing for the worst all of the time. They usually claim it is being realistic, being cautious, or being conscious of the future, but a lot of times it is straight up hurtful and pessimistic. Optimism is not naive, instead it looks, hopes, and works towards the best.
Love preservers... When the going gets tough, where is the person that you are dating? Are they along side you ready to fight, or are they running quickly towards the door? The idea of working hard for something good and being patient for a blessing is a foreign concept to my generation. Instead, it is a microwave society. But remember, that sometimes the slow cooked meal requires more work but it is healthier and better for you in the long run. Find people who are willing to wait along side you through the storms.
So thats about it. There are other things that I think about concerning relationships, but I think they are obvious and work themselves out in the wash.
In conclusion, if you really want to get a good assessment of yourself, look through the verses and substitute your name for "love" or "it". Its a fun little exercise I tell people to do so that they can seek a Christ like walk. For instance... "Jason is patient, Jason is kind, He does not envy, he does not boast..." It was humbling the first time I did it, but it keeps me in perspective, and hopefully it will do the same for you.
Thank you for reading this, and be safe out there and guard your heart!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
What do we hate?
As you may know, I am a fairly avid reader. I like books that challenge me to be a better person and to be a better Christian. The currently book I am steamrolling through is 9 Things that You Simply Must do to Succeed in Love and Life by Henry Cloud. The chapter that I am stuck on and mauling over is principle 6: hate well. It sounded really curious to me, but when I read it I learned a lot about God, myself, and others. I will quickly break this down for you...
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
19 A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.
the six/seven detail confuses me, but the seven details that are mentioned are quite reasonable. So this is what I learned about God: God is not unreasonable in what he dislikes. How many people can say that they love the company of arrogant people, liars, someone who attacks innocent people, malicious people, people who love doing evil deeds, a gossip/drama queen, or someone who breaks up families or friends? Not many. In fact, I am pretty sure that most cultures do not revere these people, and almost any religion instructs to avoid this behavior because it leads to ruin.
So what does this mean in the big picture? That God is not crazy. God does not have multiple personalities in which he loves suffering one moment and abhors it the next. This is a sane and reasonable God. The people that follow God deal with human nature, but God instructs us to avoid these issues.
What does this teach about me? Do the things that I hate seem reasonable or is it outlandish? Much of what we choose to love and chose to hate illustrate our character. The things that I hate are selfishness, humor at other people's expense, betrayal, entitlement/taking from others without being willing to give, and blatant disregard of other's feelings to name a few. So what did that teach me about me? First off, I value other people and firmly believe in loving others well. Secondly, I do not tolerate destructive negativity, especially towards me or the people in my care.
When I write down the things that I love and that motivate me, I begin to see where I like to focus my energy. I love seeing others happy and at peace, I love to teach/share things that God has done with me, I love experiencing the Holy Spirit use me to help others, I love to see others find success and reach their dreams, I love the feeling of being among my friends and fully living life with them. I start to see a pattern here as well. Most of what I am doing involves being with God and being with others.
So what does that mean about you? Give it a try. Write down the things that you hate, and see if it is properly placed. When people hate the right things and do not tolerate them, they do not become an obstacle in your life because you pull the weed out before it overtakes the garden. Also, take the time to write down the things that you love and the things that motivate you. This will help guide you to see what it is that you most easily spend your energy on since it is what you naturally gravitate towards. If it is positive, then that is great. But if your joy leads to destructive results, you may want to consider asking God to help you realign your priorities so that you can love others rather than hurt them.
Thats all for now! I have an interview tomorrow in the AM, I am hoping to be gainfully employed soon. I will keep you updated!!
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
19 A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.
the six/seven detail confuses me, but the seven details that are mentioned are quite reasonable. So this is what I learned about God: God is not unreasonable in what he dislikes. How many people can say that they love the company of arrogant people, liars, someone who attacks innocent people, malicious people, people who love doing evil deeds, a gossip/drama queen, or someone who breaks up families or friends? Not many. In fact, I am pretty sure that most cultures do not revere these people, and almost any religion instructs to avoid this behavior because it leads to ruin.
So what does this mean in the big picture? That God is not crazy. God does not have multiple personalities in which he loves suffering one moment and abhors it the next. This is a sane and reasonable God. The people that follow God deal with human nature, but God instructs us to avoid these issues.
What does this teach about me? Do the things that I hate seem reasonable or is it outlandish? Much of what we choose to love and chose to hate illustrate our character. The things that I hate are selfishness, humor at other people's expense, betrayal, entitlement/taking from others without being willing to give, and blatant disregard of other's feelings to name a few. So what did that teach me about me? First off, I value other people and firmly believe in loving others well. Secondly, I do not tolerate destructive negativity, especially towards me or the people in my care.
When I write down the things that I love and that motivate me, I begin to see where I like to focus my energy. I love seeing others happy and at peace, I love to teach/share things that God has done with me, I love experiencing the Holy Spirit use me to help others, I love to see others find success and reach their dreams, I love the feeling of being among my friends and fully living life with them. I start to see a pattern here as well. Most of what I am doing involves being with God and being with others.
So what does that mean about you? Give it a try. Write down the things that you hate, and see if it is properly placed. When people hate the right things and do not tolerate them, they do not become an obstacle in your life because you pull the weed out before it overtakes the garden. Also, take the time to write down the things that you love and the things that motivate you. This will help guide you to see what it is that you most easily spend your energy on since it is what you naturally gravitate towards. If it is positive, then that is great. But if your joy leads to destructive results, you may want to consider asking God to help you realign your priorities so that you can love others rather than hurt them.
Thats all for now! I have an interview tomorrow in the AM, I am hoping to be gainfully employed soon. I will keep you updated!!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Salt and Light
This is a lesson that I have taught at a few venues, and so I apologize in advance if you have read this or heard this before. When we think about our call as Christians and our call as people in society, I am reminded of what Jesus said about being salt and being light. When most people think of these analogies, being salt can be rather unflattering. Of all the minerals on the mineral chart, Jesus picks a dull and ordinary mineral. However, did you ever think about what salt means to the world?
-Small doses of salt was used to fertilize soil. How does God use you in your surroundings?
-Salt is used to preserve meat. Are we as Christians helping people stay together when the elements of life are trying to ruin others?
-Salt heals. Are we helping people mend, or are we letting them be infected?
-Salt adds flavor to food. Are we adding to the good that is already around us?
Most of all, salt is unique. If you try to replace salt with sugar, it does not work... it may resemble salt, but it tastes nothing like it. Salt is a unique ingredient that can not be replicated well. When Jesus mentions salt in Matthew 5:13, he mentions that if it does not have it's saltiness, then it's only use is to be thrown out and trampled on. This inspired me because when I read this, I realized that we have a significant role to play in society... and that if Christians lose their saltiness, then there is no real reason for us to be doing what we do.
What about light?
-Light gives hope. When people are in dark places, do we give them hope or do we discourage them?
-Light guides. When people are lost, do we lead them to safe places or do we leave them to their own devices?
-Light gives warmth. When someone is cold, can we help them warm up?
-Light helps life grow. Life would not exist without sunlight, can our lights help others grow into what God wants them to be?
So as you can see, these fairly bland descriptions of Christians are very basic elements of life. So if you are feeling discouraged right now about where you are and your ability to influence others, just know that God sees you as essential to the well being others... do not forget that!
-Small doses of salt was used to fertilize soil. How does God use you in your surroundings?
-Salt is used to preserve meat. Are we as Christians helping people stay together when the elements of life are trying to ruin others?
-Salt heals. Are we helping people mend, or are we letting them be infected?
-Salt adds flavor to food. Are we adding to the good that is already around us?
Most of all, salt is unique. If you try to replace salt with sugar, it does not work... it may resemble salt, but it tastes nothing like it. Salt is a unique ingredient that can not be replicated well. When Jesus mentions salt in Matthew 5:13, he mentions that if it does not have it's saltiness, then it's only use is to be thrown out and trampled on. This inspired me because when I read this, I realized that we have a significant role to play in society... and that if Christians lose their saltiness, then there is no real reason for us to be doing what we do.
What about light?
-Light gives hope. When people are in dark places, do we give them hope or do we discourage them?
-Light guides. When people are lost, do we lead them to safe places or do we leave them to their own devices?
-Light gives warmth. When someone is cold, can we help them warm up?
-Light helps life grow. Life would not exist without sunlight, can our lights help others grow into what God wants them to be?
So as you can see, these fairly bland descriptions of Christians are very basic elements of life. So if you are feeling discouraged right now about where you are and your ability to influence others, just know that God sees you as essential to the well being others... do not forget that!
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